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I'm 13F, almost 14, and I am technically obese. The word hangs over me like a shadow and it reminds me of my failure, I don't even want to say it. I don't want to say my weight because it's so disgusting. I'm ugly and fat but I love nature SO much. I love swimming, I love hiking, the world is so beautiful but my lungs burn and burn. They just don't work, I can't even run the mile under 15 minutes. I struggle with a lot and I've never been happier than I am in nature, especially the ocean. My sister is consistently skinny and good weight. I can't even recall the last time she exercised. She eats way more than I think she should, like eight pieces of pizza for example. She's so perfect and I don't know why. My sister doesn't even care, she doesn't even notice how LUCKY she is. I can't even starve myself right.
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what is my purpose right now? I pray and I hope that God will help me, and I know he will but I just feel so alone. Alone, in my own body. I don't feel like me....
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I haven't studied the whole day...My exam is in 2 days and I am wasting my time...why am I not feeling any guilt?? I used to feel guilty, anxious, tensed...wher...
Thank you for sharing your story :) What do you need most?
ReplyOkay, let's start with the starving thing. Never do that. People need to eat every day, in fact, every four hours. That's how we live, that's how we keep living. Three balanced square meals a day with two snacks in between breakfast and lunch, then lunch and dinner. That's healthy. The second point of address is your weight is not disgusting. Your weight is your weight and it's going to fluctuate as you're still so young.
I'm unsure of what you're asking advice on as there isn't a question. However, I'm assuming that you're opening up and asking what to do in terms of your weight and body image. Let me tell you something that every girl needs to hear and remember: You aren't ugly, you aren't fat - you're just thirteen, and you're allowed to not look like everybody else.
In terms of your problem with long hikes, I'd suggest breathing exercises to help improve your lung capacity. However, if it's more severe, please tell an adult. If your lung issue is a direct consequence of your weight, then you know what to do. You have to commit, not to being skinny, but to your own health. You don't need to lift weights or hit the gym for hours every day, but for your safety, I'd suggest you make small, incremental changes - for example, rather than taking the bus or getting a ride, walk - and if it's too far to walk, bike (when safe). Or you could start from the comfort of your own home, sparing ten minutes a day to exercise in the morning or at night, whatever suits you best. I'd like to make sure you understand that if you do these things, your body MUST eat. To have the energy to exercise, you need calories to burn. Otherwise, your body is over-exerting itself, which makes the whole point of feeling and being healthier redundant.
You can make the changes you want to see within yourself. It takes time, it takes patience. It takes support from your friends and family. It takes a lot, but nothing that you don't already have in you.
I know from the shared experience of being thirteen once, that your body doesn't always look the way you'd like it to. Sometimes, it's too big, too small. Perhaps both of those things but in different areas. You wake up, you don't like yourself - you think that's the way it has to be...
But the beautiful thing about humanity is that it never has to be that way. You can change over and over again every day for the rest of your life. Anything you want to do, you can do it. Everything you want to be, that's something you can become. There is nothing in this World that can stop you from enjoying your life and looking the way that you'd like.
I hope that you'll be happy and continue to grow your self-confidence through your vital teenage years. Self-esteem is a difficult obstacle in everybody's lives, yet not so difficult that it cannot be overcome. Wishing you a healthy start to a happy life!
ReplyI didn't realize someone cared enough to respond in such a way. I really, really do appreciate you. You didn't have to say anything and yet you did and I can't thank you enough, even though you may not think that it's very serious or anything, people don't really do that kind of thing for me.
The rest of this isn't really important to read if you don't want to. Have a wonderful day!
I've struggled with mostly my body image because people seem to really look down on me for it. I've also struggled with SH since really young but that's not entirely important to the topic. I've recently begun pushing myself in some kinds of exercise + actually eating in small portions. My parents are never home, and my town is somewhat dangerous, especially where I am. I can't go out on a regular basis, but I'm starting to go on hikes with my friends, and improve my confidence by using the arts. I think I just wanted to vent about it because one of my friends was complaining about their weight (relatively average) and it sent me into a spiral when the conversation in the friend group switched to talking about "average" and "healthy" weight.
I'm also joining a marching band next year, so I'll be practicing on the regular. It's not great, but for my circumstances it's a step. I want to be happy, so I've been making an effort to be better. Mostly I just hate people who act so nonchalant. People who make fun of others for their weight or looks when they were simply born pretty, like my sister. In the past, everyone just looked at her and chose to be her friend, no matter if they had a possibility of liking me more. Attraction works like that though, I guess.
I don't think there's much else to say, but I'm going to take your advice into account, I promise. I wish things were easier, but I think being humbled like this is good for me, in a way.
- OP
ReplyMy reply was flagged, so I share my greatest appreciation if it doesn't show up again.
ReplyI'm obese too, I understand that it's frustrating. I'm so sorry about the pain in your lungs. And I'm sorry that your sister has things so great in this regard, and apparently doesn't see or appreciate what a tough spot you are in. I'm amazed by naturally skinny people who eat a lot, that's never been me and it's really challenging not to envy them. Maybe tracking what you eat will help you go in a healthier direction, here on novni or in a paper notebook? (I recently restarted this.) It's still painful trying to cut back on simple carbs, or have times of intermittent fasting, but imho it's better than putting so much strain on joints and pelvic floor muscles, or ending up groggy at inconvenient times from too much pizza or whatever people around me are inhaling. And reaching out in prayers for help from Jesus has been helpful. I respect if you have different beliefs... but I believe you are wonderfully made by your creator that loves you... lovely, not ugly. Just some thoughts since you asked for advice.
ReplyOne tip, please don't "starve" yourself. It's really bad for you. I saw you mentioned you like nature and swimming etc, those are great ways to stay active. You can figure out your daily calorie needs with an online calculator, and then eat just a little less than that (only a few hundred). If you stick with this for a few months you'll start seeing results! And take it from me, don't go on any diets or anything. They don't work. If you want cookies, eat cookies. If you want pizza, have pizza. Just know how much you are eating and try to incorporate healthy foods into your diet whenever possible like chicken, granola, and fruits/vegetables. Nothing's wrong with your current weight but if you want to change it, then more power to you! Good luck!
ReplyHey, I struggle with my weight too and am also considered obese. I think others have given some good advice.
I suggest going to the doctor to talk about the possibiloty of getting an inhaler for asthma. It won't stop you from getting winded, but I have found it doesn't hurt as much to breathe if you take an inhaler before being physical. Being obese puts you at higher risk for it. It can also run in families (runs in mine). Consider it!
And keep being active at your own pace. Being in nature is awesome! I enjoy hiking ( you could even start learning some plants and fungi if you find that kind of stuff fun!) And kayaking (you should try it, you'd like it!)
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