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Well lets start with the fact i'm 15. About 1-2 months ago my dad kicked me out of the house, and I got placed in a foster home. In 2 days I have court to figure out my situation. Lately it hasn't been the easiest. I've been struggling with my uncles suicide a lot lately. Same with addiction. The urge too drink, or smoke, or keep doing pills keeps getting the best of me. I've been drinking so much lately my livers are starting to fail. Really quickly. And I can't stop no matter how hard I try. Same with pills, they're all I do almost every day and I struggle being sober for more than 5 minutes. It's been this way for a few months. I'm never sober. Recently I broke my hand, I had to much anger and I hit the wall. Many many times, covering not only my hand but the wall was covered in blood. Every time I walk into the garage now, I am reminded of the shitty pain everyday with a blood splat wall. Writing this is even difficult. I don't know if I should be like this at this young, I shouldn't be drinking as much as I am. It's a really big struggle and it is bringing me a lot of pain. Physically. I tried getting help but in the end it had just made it all worse and drinking got heavier. I miss the younger me at this point because I know I can be so much better and everything. I feel like there is so much more to be said but my mind has gone blank from my lack of sobriety, so I will end it here. Thank you for reading if you did.
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Thank you for sharing your story, it takes a lot of courage to reach out. There are a lot of things in your life you can't change, and for those things I send love and care and know that you are a strong person to get through them :)
For the things you can control, I encourage you to believe in hope, even if it's hard to find right now. You have incredible power to change the things in your life that you ARE capable of changing, and how beautiful it would be to work toward changing those things. Day by day, moment by moment, choice by choice. Choosing the next good thing.
Imagine yourself healed. Imagine yourself alcohol free, smoke free, and pill free. Imagine yourself truly happy, smiling, enjoying life. That kind of life IS possible. And I know you probably realize this deep down already, but all the substances you ingest aren't doing anything to heal you. Emotionally, mentally, and especially physically. Those substances aren't capable of love or care.
However, YOU are capable of love and care of yourself, and although I'm a stranger, I care about you deeply and hope that today can be the day you turn things around. That you start working toward that healed life you imagined a few moments ago.
It will be a hard road ahead to be certain, but it will be worth it dear friend. What do you think?
ReplyFor your addiction stuff whenever you get the urge to drink or smoke or whatever, pick a hobby or something else to do instead and completely involve yourself in it. Like for example I used to self harm when I was 14 and so to stop myself I would just draw instead and make myself totally focused on whatever I was drawing and literally not think about anything else. Like let whatever hobby or thing u pick completely encompass you. U can draw, read, play a sport, play a game, clean your room, research a random topic or literally anything. But u have to be 100% focused on it at the time so u can force away the urge to drink/smoke. It's hard at first but if u keep doing it it'll get easier. Wish u the best
ReplyALSOOOO my aunt recently died from complications of her constant smoking so I hope you get on a better path soon. I can tell you want better for yourself and I think you have that potential in u. You have to take care of yourself though
ReplyI can relate to this. Somewhat... Ive been put in a foster home, with my aunt. You have nothing wrong with you for feeling like this. Cause im actually younger, and im like this. I know tons of people likes this. Just try a substitute for drinking. Something with no alcohol
ReplyAs a parent this broke my heart. I am so sorry that you are going through this and I just want to give you a big hug and tell you that you will get through this. It took hella courage to even write this and make it public. I have yet to even do that myself. SO you are brave! Take it one step at a time. You are young and I know that we don't know each other but I know that you can beat this. I have that faith in you. I read the comments and there are some really good advice. I use to drink a lot, smoke, abuse my pills to ease my pain and escape reality on really hard and stressful days. My health got bad, I put down the smokes, it was hard as hell, but I found something that took the place of that. When I had the urge, I baked from scratch, it kept my hands busy. I did gain weight. lol (lost it now though. lol) I haven't picked that smoking habit up going on 4 years in May. The pills, was hard as well, but when I was losing days, and couldn't remember things that I had said or happened and hurt some loved ones feelings, that was enough for me to stop that. The drinking, well, it was causing health issues and that wasn't the hardest for me like the smoking was.
Anyway, You are brave, and you have support on here if anything. I hope that you are doing well and to start off, cover that stain on the wall, so you aren't reminded of that pain, then start something to keep your mind off of the drinking, and then when you fix that move on to the next one. You aren't going to be able to do it all in one day. It will take some time, but stick with it and you will be amazed at how strong you really are. Much love and positive vibes your way.
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