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I feel. well, stupid.
I have this sense of I'm finally independent from everyone, I'm mature and all that.
Yet when given actual mature topics to discuss or hear like someone dying or even just badly getting injured, no matter how trashy or terrible they are, I just feel empathetic and sad for them. Yet, whenever I express it, My parents say "You don't know what empathy is." or someone says "They don't deserve pity."
I know. I know they don't deserve it. Maybe its because I didn't have much comfort as a child, Maybe the terrible punishments I've gone through made my mind stumped in an area or something. I don't know why. But I just try acting adultish, saying stuff like "I don't care" and pretending to not worry or feel sorry when someone gets hurt (physically or mentally), someone starts crying, someone dies, anything happens to anyone, I feel bad and I don't know why. I just always have the wish to hug them, comfort them even if I know I'm bad at it and I also usually don't know how to approach people to start with. I just don't fucking know why I am this sympathetic for people, even those who clearly don't deserve it.
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You are certainly the opposite to a woman I know. I used to know her husband as well when they were married and after they split up. Last year I asked her if she had heard anything about him and she said he had gone into a nursing home. Then a few weeks ago I asked her if she had heard anything more about him and she said she hadn't. Today I was at the shops and I went to the ladies. When I came out this woman was waiting for me. As soon as I got near her she said, "He's dead!" She is very happy to know that he is gone which didn't sit too well with me so I told her he might haunt her and she looked worried. So, then I asked her if he knew where she lives and she replied, "No." So I told her she will be alright. I suppose you feel bad now knowing this and you didn't even know him while she (his ex) is jumping for joy. At least unlike her you can feel sad about his passing.
ReplyHow can a dead person haunt someone. What made up bullcrap is that.
ReplyI was lost at the first sentence. Is this a comparing of how little empathy She has to me, are you telling me to feel bad about some (probably made up) dude who died and his DIVORCED ex-wife was relieved, what??
ReplyYou’re not stupid, you remind me of myself in some ways. There’s no harm in caring. I used to be a prison visitor and got more than a fair share of judgement for it but it didn’t mean I ever condoned their crimes it just meant I was able to talk to ppl who in many cases had a similar background to mine.
I think you have a kind conscience and there’s nothing wrong with that, there are more than enough ppl in the world who don’t so time for some balance
ReplyThat's actually a pretty nice trait of yours. It might not fit into todays societal norms since It has been so normalized to not give a dang about anything. But not caring is actually ugly and immature imo. I am so glad you exist. It means there are millions like us. Caring. Still a very rare trait to find. You are a jewel my friend. I pray similar people fall in to you life soon <3
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