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Before anyone reads, Nothing about bibles/religon/random and probably unrelated stories, etc etc will be condoned. I swear to god I've counted 21 comments to my vents about how god will help me. Cause if god was willing to help me, he would've made my mum swallow. Anyways--
I, as the title suggests, Hate my face. like actually HATE. HATE HATE HATE. TO THE POINT I HAVE NO MIRRORS OR USUAL REFLECTIVE SURFACES IN MY ROOM. I have various reasons. Acne (unknown cause, prob just hormones), Gender Dysphoria (Highly feminine eyes, face, hair, etc etc), scar from childhood, have the worst teeth (Crooked, In need of braces even though I've HAD them but the orthodontists took them off oddly, Wide overbite, and fucking BUCKTEETH.)
Via my hatred and loathing for my own face, I usually hide it from everything as well. Any video with my face? I avoid the lenses at all cost, and if its on my phone or my friends, I delete the video. A photo, I cover my face instantly. Mirrors or even just passing by a window? Better believe I am having my hood up, those blue covid masks up, and covering any visible parts with my sleeves. Now, It isn't helpful when you're trying to get your self esteem higher and you have two siblings who always point things out. My sister, who's 10, always uses my acne, my bad odor (which was usual during my age at 10-11, but I fully control it now and she just likes using that to her advantage as if she still doesn't have piss-smelling sheets. From two years ago), my teeth, anything to her advantage in arguments. Yet, as SOON as I reciprocate, I'm in the wrong and I'm a monster and I'm a VILLAIN. My brother, who's a few years younger than my sister (like 2 or 3), is always just pointing at my face and saying stuff like "what are those red dots on your face?"
Before anyone says, "oh he's just curious!" He asked that first at age 6. It's been years. He knows, Me, My mum, and My dad told him. He remembers, he just points it out and laughs whenever I storm away.
And My parents are just as bad. I remember having scribbled out my photo from a yearbook, and I had 10 other larger and smaller photos of myself out of the book, but I got lectured and yelled at by my mum and dad. To the point my dad shoved the book at me and said "This stupid identity crisis of yours *Deadname* is getting annoying, you are *Full name*, Deal with it!" He doesn't know I'm trans yet, but Now This is just worsening my chance of opening up to him.
Anyways, I just.. hate it. I want to just melt it off, mush the bits into a new identity, and restart. Be a better, prettier, more social, more cool, more smart, more funny, more loved version of Me.
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Your family seems to not be very helpful when it comes to your issues. You do deserve better. I don't know how to help, but try to find one good thing you like about your face, it sill help. Oh and tell yourself you're handsome, because A. You are, and B. After doing it enough times you will believe it.
ReplyThank you for such kind words and support, it helps a lot in a world where encouragement is quite rare.
ReplyHello young master, I'm guessing you're a teen? about 15/16 or there abouts, I had terrible acne than too - it was very unpleasant and left pock marks on my face - but whether you choose to believe it or not, time changes everything, and it waits for no one, acne may be with you for a long time but it will ease up eventually and you may need to use pills and potions to to keep it under control. It's all part of the crazy journey of life - You're the oldest so no matter what you do or say, you're always going to be in the wrong, thats just part of the family dynamic, but time goes by quickly - soon you'll be an adult, choose to be a strong one. Complaining does'nt get you anywhere in life, and wishing for the impossible is a stupid dream, after all no matter how bad you have it, someone always has it worse...and thats something to cling to, and be grateful for. All teenagers believe that no one understands them, even as I'm typing this I'm thinking if you read it, your just going to be negative about anything I say, but your mind set needs to change before you change anything else. Accept who you are, acknowledge your flaws and faults, change what you can, accept what you cant and believe whole heartedly that
the future you will be a better on.
ReplyThis is beautiful advice. Thank you for your help!
ReplyHi Beautiful. You are THE standard of beauty. I will use logic to prove it to you, get ready, follow me.
Every entity is objectively different, correct?
A triangle is simply, different, from a square, not “better”, not “worse”, right?
What if triangles (let’s pretend triangles had agenticity) were told by everyone around them that if they weren’t a square they were “ugly”? Everyone is with a square. Squares are on billboards, magazines, shows, in the spotlight, etc.
What someone “says” means nothing to science or the scientific method. The correct word is random preference, a subjective reality.
Whose to say YOU aren’t the standard of beauty. If I put YOU on all billboards, all magazines, people who looked different from you would be deemed “ugly”.
My point is you ARE beautiful. We are lied to bitterly, from birth just to get us to be consumers, buyers, insecurity bridges us to spend… money.
You are perfect JUST the way you are. It’s not cliche. I declare YOU the standard of beauty.
I am different from you, so I am ugly.
But that’s okay, I want to be heard, seen listened to, respected not through subjective preference but through being me.
Different from all.
Can’t be labeled, defined, confined.
Thank you for writing beautiful.
Erase from your mind any and every negative label you have ever been told, because indeed, you are you, perfect just the way you are!
ReplyBut their genetics still determine which sex they are and that's a fact which can't be changed.
ReplyDude this literally sounds like it could be written by me. No mirrors, can't look at pictures of myself, and I hate my teeth. But you CAN fix it!! Definitely get braces, my parents never got me them and when I finally got them at 18 I literally hated myself so much less. I got a skincare routine and started taking care of my hair. The more self-care actions you take, the stronger your identity leans in that direction. Good luck
Replyhi so idk if this is helpful or anything but i wash my face with cerave face wash and then i used peach slices snail toner and their snail moisturizer and it makes my skin really nice :) sorry your siblings are so cruel
Reply