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I get so mad at myself, get frustrated, get yelled at a lot by my mother.. just being a disappointment, I said to myself that on March 6th of 2024 I will die. But just yesterday, It was 7pm and I went to the bathroom, and wrapped my hands around my neck and squeezed so hard that my face turned so red, that my eyes had a faint blood color tears, and even then I kept doing it until I couldn't even cry anymore, and my face was pale, but also red and also blue. I did it so much that it bothered me that it didn't hurt much. I also did it so much that when it felt almost painless I put my elbows on the counter top of where the sink is, wrapped my hands on my neck and I picked my body up, with no feet to the ground, almost my knees touching the ground when I bent. And I almost passed out. I locked myself in the bathroom, I could've gone away with it. It felt like I was hanging myself. Which I dreamt about.
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You're not a disappointment. No human on this earth is perfect. We all mess up in things. You don't deserve to be yelled at like that. I think your mother and the other people are the ones with the problem. Not you. It's easy to get frustrated about things. I hope you live and prove to them what an accomplishment you and your life can be because you matter.
Replydon't miss out on the future you, so you can prove them wrong, and also bring so much better energy onto this world. Thank you for sharing this here so we can read you and be of company somehow. Dude some things that happen/keep happening really suck! I know! I learned a lot of skills and hobbies during difficult times. I forces myself to do them at first lol but now all these hobbies get me by. When I became an adult, slowly I started building the life I wanted and being a person i could admire while understanding i am flawed but still worth the try. If no one shows up for me I will show up for myself that is for sure. It took healing but hey im here trynna help you now after being in your position not too long ago. Hugs and hope you're here many many more years showing off bc you kicked a*s ;-)
ReplyHi! How are you doing?
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