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*Content Warning // Self Harm*
For the first time in I think 2 years, I used a blade to hurt myself. That's not to say I haven't done anything else in that time; only recently, I've realized and finally admitted to myself that I haven't actually been "clean." Screaming in my car until my throat is raw, punching something until my hand is sore, hitting my own thigh so it's tender but not bruised...it's all the same.
I thought I was finally in a better place.
I thought I'd found my light.
Now it feels like I haven't moved an inch from the shadowy spot I was in before. Or maybe I did. Maybe I HAVE moved, experienced some amount of healing, but that shadow just...finally caught up to me.
It's hard to tell where I am when everything is dark and cold again.
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