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Came home from ex-bsfs house, (family's close, not close w her no more) and since its her birthday and in the car (we come back from school 2gther w her sis) she was mentioning how no one remembered her birthday, I mean I already KNEW when her bday was, I always remembered even after we fell out because of her. I felt bad, she said it wasn't gonna be anything special, and even tho one side of me wanted her to just have her bday as a normal day, the guilt took over me and it was just like "i cant do that to her" sooo went over w gifts for her and her sis today <3 (her sis's bday is a few days after but they usually celebrate 2gther) anyways ex bsf just thanked me for the gifts, n went upstairs. Me and her sister on the other hand, we talked and laughed and OH MY GODD I HAVENT TALKED TO ANYONE LIKE THAT IN SO LONG IT FELT SO GOOD. I felt genuine joy, I was laughing til my stomach hurt and tbf it felt SO GOOD UGH. Why's it feel THAT good? Cause I literally am always alone, even at school, I aint got no friends. Either all left me, or we just distanced and I decided that there's just no one here in this darned school that'll actually get along w me and understand me. Even tho ex bsf's sis can be a pain, im thankful me and her laughed and just caught up. Me and ex bsf practically grew up together, after distancing I didnt go to their home for a while, and I ALWAYYSSS used to sneak to their home after school LMAOO (wanna go back to that time tbf) and then just seeing everything after SO LONGG felt so nostalgic and just calming in a way. I hate how I feel so old though, they have younger brothers and they're already growing up so fast LIKE NOO!! I still can't believe it mann they look so grown, and yeah. I'm just thankful I got to atleast talk to someone. Helped me a ton. Maybe others take it for granted, (people with friends) because honestly just having someone to talk to MADE MY WHOLE DAY TODAY. I wish I had a decent bsf tbf. (don't suggest ex-bsf's sister to be my friend, we aren't like that we js talked and caught up for once) BUT LIKE OMGG IMAGINE GIFTING EACHOTHER CUTE BOUQUET GIFTS WHATEGER THEYRE CALLED, DOING EACHOTHERS MAKEUP, GETTING READY 2GTHER, NOT EMBARRASSED, NOOO JEALOUSY, COMOFRTABLE W ONE ANOTHER. Ugh just give me someone like that even if I still have to suffer without a friend for a few more years IF I ATLEAST GET SOMEONE LIKE THAT LATER ON IN LIFE IT WILL ALL BE WORTH IT (I hope)
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