WWYD (what would u do) HELP UR GIRL OUT!!

Part of me doesn't mind, part of me is just STRESSED. If you told younger me that my sister-like-bsf would betray me and torture me in the future and then current me had to go out with her, I WOULD BE IN DISBELIEF. Her birthday passed recently, and I went over to give her and her younger sis gifts (they celebrate them around the same time) and so ex bsf js locked herself in her room, meanwhile me and her younger sis were just talking and laughing A LOT. Now your telling me, tommorrow, WE'RE ALL GOING OUT TO HANG AROUND AND EAT?? Won't that be super awkward?? Will I even look good?! IS IT EVEN GOING TO GO WELL OR WILL IT JUST BE GOOD, THEN AT SCHOOL EVERYTHING JUST QUICKLY RETURNS TO NORMAL? I mean I dont mind if that happens but oh girll it hurts. Id rather it hurt than them be stuck around me during school JUST BECAUSE we hung out 2gther, yk? But ughh I'm most scared that ill go back to that stage that was so hard to get out of. Cried over her because there were yet so many things we said we'd do together that WE DIDNT EVER DO. And just the type of people she chose over me hurt so bad, but whatever. She isn't what she used to be like. I just hope I don't go back to thinking like "omg we could go back to how we were" NO WE CAN'T. Not possible. No matter what happens, I SHOULDN'T GO BACK TO THINKING THATTT, ill only hurt myself in the end, won't I?

UGHH I JUST MISS ACTUALLY SOCIALISING WITH PEOPLE BECAUSE IM NEVER ALLOWED TO GO OUT, I DONT HAVE ANY GOOD FRIENDS, IM ALWAYS ALONEEE. Esp at school, like why did I befriend someone who was so quiet SHE JS STARED AT ME AS IF THATS A WAY PEOPLE COMMUNICATE LIKE GIRLL thank god I dropped her she acc started scaring me and I lost my mind over her bc she never actually TALKED TO ME VERBALLYY, anyway wth do I do? Do I agree to going out and just as one night, I get all dolled up and enjoy myself? Or just turn them down and not go at all?