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Need pushes everyone of us around. I'm afraid someday I'm going to become a sellout, and not because I will use my body for profit, but for the simple fact, generally trying to earn some money. I could go on a moral stanza about why money is bad for this world, but I guess it's just how the world works. I have tremendous uncertainty, and I'm also a really weak person; no one believes me when I say them this... my mom continues to say I'm a good person and giving me words of encouragement, that I know aren't all that true or at all. I guess when the moment comes that I have to become one with the people and finally work, the need will shape my future; but not gonna lie, I am scared! What in the fresh hell should I do for a living? Putting aside all the obvious bullshit that I do not want to do; from lawyer to doctor, etc.; like, what do I do? Why are people so stupid as to not give you a blank with every job possible you could do? Why do they leave it up to people to do some random ass search on Google? Because I did learn things in life, but I tend to forget... that's the thing, I don't remember everything, and with that, I don't remember every job there is available that I know of. So yeah, this is fucking stupid. If it was for me, I would never work, but if I needed to, I would then... but I just wish to be homeless at this rate; my mom will not be there always to maintain me, and with that also my brothers. I'm afraid to be a sellout after being "real" for so long, about how money is bullshit, it makes people corrupt, etc. I just wish somebody would tell me what in the world could be my job later on, because my mom and everyone takes it for granted that when the moment comes... then I need to think about it, but I would honestly want to plan for the worst right now. I wish someone for once wouldn't take me for granted and shed a light on me about my future. I'm losing hope, I feel helpless. Every job seems shit, nothing seems fitting for me. I would like some kind of involvement with technology and the internet, but I truly don't know what that would be. Yeah, I don't know why these last couple of days or weeks I've been thinking about my future so much, but it's true... I'm realizing someday I will not be able to sit back and enjoy life and I will have to wake up every day to go to work, which school was atrocious enough, and the reason I couldn't finish it was because of the extreme anxiety it gave me to be around people, and because I felt it was a huge waste of time and I wasn't learning anything (also because I was too dumb and my learning curve was too slow.) Just me venting, don't take what I say too seriously, even though I am being serious, and please be nice.
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Before I left school here in Australia I did a test to find out what sort of work I should do and the answer was working behind a counter in a shop which I found out was wrong after I tried it. Find something that you think you are interested in and would like to do and give it a go. I left school early when I was 15 because I hated it so much and wasn't interested in anything to do with it. All anyone needs to learn is to read, write, and spell, and to do basic math. Schools are child minding places that are here to prevent anarchy and to keep kids occupied. I went to all girls high schools and I notice from this site that girls in co ed schools are more interested in boys than their school work. Perhaps they should leave school young and get married to their crushes, but the trouble is that girls are more mature than boys so the boys are still behaving like kids and can't get married. Anyway, best of luck.
ReplyYou are perfect just the way you are. Step one. Step two, you can work anywhere, be anywhere, and STILL that does not take away from two things:
1) Significance.
2) Impact
Whether you are a doctor, lawyer, service industry worker, teacher, nanny, caregiver to the elderly, wherever you go, your eyes, your smile, how you treat people, how you carry yourself HAS an impact.
Thank you. Forget the money. Get it to pay your responsibilities yet you are someone who will not let that be your driving force. I greatly respect your mind and values for that.
I for one know you will succeed. I got one know you are strong. I for one, reading what you’ve written know you are intelligent and aware in a way majority may very well be distracted from being.
So thank you for being you, thank you for writing, and thank you for that beautiful and caring heart. We value you. We are honored to share this earth, this space, this life- with a mind as brilliant as yours.
Reply