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Its 11:54 and i took some muches earlier. I feel ugly af like i am ugly. I feel beautiful sometimes but damn i am ugly. Like does someone even like me. Junior is definitely playing with me cuz damn i am ugly af. Well i have pulled some not ugly guys i will say more than average. That is what i think….. wow maybe they were ugly….. i dont think so cuz ppl told me that they were really cute and to give them a chance. Anyways that is not what this is about. I… I honestly dont know. I just dont feel ok or well for a while now. I can’t tell no one cuz idk. I will feel so bother some to others. All i do is laugh cuz I don’t want to feel this. I don’t even feel sadness… actually i do sometimes but most of the time is just confusion that i have within me for no reason. Maybe there’s one but idk it yet. Does anyone feel this too. I am the only one that is like this. Why do I laugh when I shouldn’t. I don’t believe in ppl easily and have trust issues. Omg i am so messed up. I just wanna live life with no major problems other than to choose my outfit or what food should i eat. I AM TIRED AND CONFUSED ABOUT THIS LIFE. oh
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You are not at all alone my friend.
You do realize “beauty” IS a construct right? We were brainwashed to call some objects “ugly”, some objects “pretty”, but really isn’t every object either the same, similar, or different from each other? What people may “prefer” is one thing. Everything is objectively different, subjectively preferable. There is no such thing as beautiful or ugly.
Here’s the secret my friend. It is personality type. For one reason or the other (I think due to natural selection when we were hunter gatherers and the most dangerous survived) what we “prefer” is the dominant personality, the ego, the one people are scared of and submit to.
I’m sure you’ve seen plenty of “beautiful” people by magazine standards who because are more quiet or introspective, are not seen, valued, or respected.
I want us to change that. I want myself to respect the meek, the quiet, the kind, to teach reciprocity. We follow those we fear. We think they’re going to have our back. It is how we treat the “weakest” that says the most about us, and how another would respond to us to our lowest of lows.
I am glad that you are kind, wise, the standard of real beauty in being original to you, and I’m so thankful for your writing and for connecting with us. You are wholeheartedly appreciated!
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