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Everytime i make a mistake I feel like god shaking his head because the second he wants to put everything and the only thing I've ever wanted recently I screw up and he takes it away. I hate myself. I hate that I've screwed myself out of a good opportunity. It feels cruel. I feel like God’s laughing at me. And what I want always ends up in my friends hands. They all of course deserve it but when is my turn? When will I have a chance at a lovely thing? People that i’m not very tight with will turn it into a way to say that I'm childish and haven’t grown up yet. I want to grow up. I want to be like my friends who have a glorious thing that everyone deserves a shot at. After this time it ends, i’ll bring myself into this same situation and ruin myself like I am now. It’s like a haunted house, one that the ghost who's haunting me, follows for eternity. I’m also sorry you're reading this but also not because if you know me or know someone like me, it really changes your perspective.
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ReplyYou may hate yourself but God doesn't. He doesn't hate you at all. He made you and He loves you. He loves you so much He's willing to forgive every single mistake you've ever made. His son Jesus paid the price for it already. Once you've confessed that Jesus is Lord and that He died and rose again, you're saved. Nothing you do can ever make you lose that.
I can tell you care about pleasing God, that's good! The Bible says that "In all things God works for the good of those who love Him." There may be bumps along the way, but God wants what's best for you. He doesn't shake his head every time you make a mistake.
I don't know you but I've read about someone who probably felt something very similar to what you're feeling now. King David was already married, but he killed a man to steal his wife. When he realized he had messed up, he asked God for forgiveness. He knew he couldn't lose his salvation, but he lost the joy of his salvation and the peace of knowing he was right with God. He prayed a prayer where he said "cleanse me from my sins" and "restore to me the joy of my salvation." And that's exactly what God did. He erased that sin, it's as far from Him as the east is from the west. And God can do the same thing for you!
Praying for you!
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