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Sometimes, I feel like I’ve done enough, like I already try my best and satisfied with the result. Sometimes, I feel like I’ve give my all, smiling at the outcome that presented in front of my eyes. But, reality will suddenly give me a slap, a cruel reminder that I never done good enough yet.
Is it wrong to feel frustrated when my own position seem to be questioned? Is it wrong to feel angry when not to be trusted?
I’m someone who was trusted to lead a team by my own team leader, who have retired. In one of the project I lead, they also participated as one of the participant. Nothing wrong happened. Yet, at the evaluation time, when the other team mates asked for my opinion about one of the problems, I delivered my own opinion. I knew it was not the best. And my ex-team-leader delivered his opinion and it was received well by the others. I knew it was my fault that my opinion was flawed. But, as the time goes by at that meeting, the other seek opinion from them, not me. And suddenly I feel like I’m not enough. I’ve dissapointed others and I make my ex-team-leader feeling the need to butt in the project which he need not to supervise anymore. Is it wrong to feel angry at that? Is it wrong to feel like the control of my own team is not in my hands anymore? Is it wrong to feel that I’m not trusted that much? If it is, then why they gave me this position if the can’t trust me to do it by myself? Why can’t they let me to fly by my own wings and decide by my own self? Why then you choose me that day, team leader? Why?
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