to my lacy

my hatred for u runs so deeply, even deeper than it does for the person who's the only reason i know you in the first place. i thought, as a woman, you'd understand me. he was with me, i was so in love with him and all he ever did was hurt me, i put up with so much more then i deserved just because i thought he would eventually stick to his word and change for me. then you came in, you came in and everything changed, i became nothing. i still remember when i warned you ab it, maybe to you i seemed like a crazy ex wanting him to myself, but it was never even that. i warned you because i didnt want you to experience what i did, you were so beautiful, everything about you was exactly like the girls i always knew he preferred over me. i didnt want you to risk falling victim to him like i did, but you did, and im the last person who could ever judge you for it. thats besides the point, i hate you for what you did after. you took him right from my fingertips and made sure i knew. all your petty posts about him having all your attention, how even though he had me he wanted you, did it never occur to you that you were wrong? i was completely SHATTERED by the very BOY you dangled in front of me like a prize, and u didnt show a drop of remorse for it. god i hated you for it, each time you shared your dumb little posts towards me, the more i hated you, and the more i envied you. i envied you bc you are everything ive ever dreamed of looking like, you are the copy image of the women he'd look at on his private social media accounts, the women he'd get off to in the bathroom at work while i avoided looking in mirrors. you are exactly how he made me think i should look, and if i didnt i would never be enough, and i envy you for that so much. and i hate you, i hate you because u came in and made all my pain for nothing, i hate you because i did everything i could to be everything he wanted me to be, and he chose you. i hate you because i begged him to stop hurting me and change over and over, but instead he changed for you. i hate you because the only thing you ever did to me was throw shade and thats a dumb excuse, i hate you because i cant bring myself to hate him.