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I never wanted to leave you. I never wanted one moment to decide how you perceived me. My immaturity is probably my biggest flaw. I never wanted to stop laughing, texting and arguing shit with you. I don't like myself for what I was then and what I still am sometimes. I didn't want you to see me in such a bad light now. You were my best friend. The smartest, wisest, funniest, most comforting, and mature. I was stupid and I still am. I didn't love you, I just wanted to be your friend. I don't understand why I said what I said, did what I did. Maybe I wanted to be cool, funny. Maybe I wanted to be a clown. Maybe I lacked attention, or maybe you were just too smart and mature for me. I won't forget our conversations, how you made me laugh and how you annoyed me because you were right. I couldn't accept my fallibility, my inferiority, my ignorance. I'm not a victim, you are, although maybe the word "victim" is too strong. You were just too intelligent. I didn't want to lose you, even though I wanted to at that moment. I didn't really want to subconsciously, I knew I was making a mistake, but under the influence I haven't been able to think about it for a while. It's very inconsistent and repetitive, I know that. I'm not sure if you understand what I'm writing. I don't know myself. I just have a lot of thoughts about you, how cool you were, how funny, how clever and inventive, and tenacious, and above all, what a friend you were. I don't want to be far from you, I associate so many things with you, but probably the most is that fucking speedway.
I used google translator because im from poland, so its possible that not everything is the same in polish
Also for context :
I Argued a lot about speedway with that friend because i don't consider it a sport and she loves speedway
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