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I think I may still be in love with her...
I'll keep the backstory kinda vaugue so it doesn't compromise anonymity but me and this girl met in high school through a mutual friend and would get pretty close throughout high school. After graduation I would l move away for school and we would lose touch for like a year to a year and a half. When she came back into my life she wasnt in a good place so I offered to help her out and be someone she could lean on. During the process of helping her out the way I felt about her changed, I began to seriously fall for this girl and eventually our friendship would become so much more. It was great for a while and while there was minor issues between us for the most part I was very happy. Then after a couple months of dating me and her got into a pretty bad fight and partly because of pressure from my friends I walked away from the relationship. We would go many years without talking and during that time I tried dating someone else but that didnt last long due to not having the same spark I had with my ex. I would instead decide to work on myself which meant finally taking care of the things that would benefit me. I finally got treated for my anxiety which had been a problem since I was a kid, I began to work on losing weight and living a healthier lifestyle, hell I even forked out the money to get my teeth fixed. Bottom line I was finally making my needs a priority.
and then yesterday happened...
it was my birthday and I woke up to a text from her which was shocking since we hadnt talked since 2021. We were also able to reconcile about when we broke up and clear the air on some guilt we both had regarding how things ended. but while we were texting back and forth I couldnt help but think of how much I actually missed her now. during the time apart I've had a lot of time to learn about myself and grow as a person and I feel that if we gave it another go it would work out better since we're both into better places in life...
but there lies part of my problem...
she started dating someone else in 2019 or so and is currently still with him. At the end of the day I know the rational thing would be to respect their relationship but there's this voice in the back of my mind screaming that she may have been the one and I let her slip away. Like I said before I tried to date someone else in the time since we separated and I just cant explain it but it was missing something like the whole relationship felt different than with my ex and not even because I missed her at the time as I was still angry at the time, but I could still acknowledge the absence of certain feelings I once felt.
I'm at a weird crossroads because I've never felt these type of emotions for anyone before even after everything we've been through but at the same time I dont want to hurt her if she's happier/better off with the other guy even if it pains me, mainly because life hasn't been kind to her and she deserves whatever makes her happy. Its a classic battle between my logical mind and what I feel in my heart, generally I go with my gut feeling but this time I just dont know...
anyone else go through something similar? how'd it work out for you?
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When a relationship ends, people move on. And no matter how difficult it is, the best thing to do is to not make an active effort to communicate with the other person, UNLESS both are completely single and emotionally available. But, people will make the same mistakes over and over. And her mistake was to reach out to you while she is NOT single and therefore more than likely not emotionally available. You should probably respect boundaries and not get involved in her life for now while she is not single and not emotionally available. You might just be going through some nostalgia, so give yourself some time. Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
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