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Am I a bad person? I know I hurt you but I really never intended too. I loved you so deeply I left my fears get the better of me and I became afraid to tell you parts of my life because I know it’s a lot to take. I gave you my all, I poured all of my heart into you and now I just feel empty and lost. I know you’re better off away from me where I can’t hurt you but my life is nothing with out you. I’m nothing without you…. Constantly I’m thinking of you. I hate that you’ll never see how much I loved you and I hate it more because it’s my actions that make you question my feelings. I’ve never loved like I loved you it was so profound I really don’t know how to explain it. Since you’ve left I feel like part of me is gone, so much has changed. I’ve changed. I hope whenever you are and whatever is going on that you’re safe and happy. I hope whoever comes next loves you as deeply as I still do and I hope they give you the world… lord knows I tried too. I always showered you in gifts and affection just trying to make you see how special and unique you are. I know me hurting you knocked you down but I hope you some day see that’s just my sickness, it wasn’t because you weren’t simply astounding. I hate that people made you think I cheated on you because genuinely I never did. I was soooo f’ing happy to have you as mine I literally told EVERYONE I was like a kid but I was ecstatic. I wanted to show everyone how happy I was because that is soooo unlike me. I miss you daily but I hope you don’t miss me. I wish I never hurt you, I wish you felt my love….
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It sounds like you really loved this person and I am so sorry that you lost them. May I ask, did you cheat? You say you didn't but you hurt this person because of your sickness? Have you tried to reach out to them and tell them?
ReplyYou are not a bad person; romantic love is so beautiful, but extremely fragile. Stay focused on your goals, and one day you'll look at the wound and realize it is healed. As for romantic love, for those that are physically and emotionally available it can re-appear season after season when you least expect it. Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
Mary, Mother of Christ, intercede for us with your prayers, now, and always.
And after our worst deeds - never forget God forgives us when we repent through Christ Jesus.
ReplyI hope that you are doing ok.
Reply