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Why the hell is life so confusing? My ma wants me to constantly help her all the time, and its just like I don't mind until its JUST ME she's asking all the time. Feels as if she just guilt trips me, and she favours my brother so much more than me and leaves him alone. I told her she needs to tell him to help her too, oh but no! She says "okay then none of u help me ill do it myself." And recently I've been getting into too many arguments with my ma, and I hate it. All over pretty much the same thing. Last month my ma lost her dad, (my grandad) and honestly our whole household fell apart. And that's something I'll never forget, and just being helpless and not being able to help her much broke me sm. And its just like, I've been seeing videos of other people's parents passing away and it just makes me cry, because what if they pass away while we're on bad terms? I don't think I'd ever forgive myself. But its so hard, how the hell do you want me to balance my life of school, deen, and helping my parents?
School's so draining, and on top of that I have tuition on the weekends. Weekends are supposed to be for me to like relax, oh but no! "You need to be at the top of your class" You need to be this.. that.. Honestly. I dont even care if I'm not the smartest, its so draining to have no break. Although its my spring break rn, I still haven't got a break off of schoolwork. Got a week's worth of school lessons to go thru, math revision for a test upcoming, and redoing a whole math paper I DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND!!
And with it being ramadan too, I feel like my imaan just crashed these few days. I'm struggling so much, no clue on what to do. I dont feel educated enough on Islam compared to girls my age, and its just like I dont know where to look for the right info.
I really just wish I could just live in Makkah for the rest of my life; constant reminder of deen, hearing the adhaan, living away from all toxicity, and just leaving behind people I don't wanna talk to anymore. Even if it means going alone. If I could, trust me I WOULD'VE.
And the fact that Eid is just going to be hell for me, because I have to celebrate it with someone who's just utterly DISGUSTING. Like no amount of words can even describe what she's like, but brief description is just she ripped my heart into pieces and then decided after a decade of friendship and saying to others that we were 'sisters' she just threw it all away for someone who we BOTH didnt like. Took me years to get to the point where i dont care what she does unless it affects me. But oh my gosh, it just sucks because it feels as if my life is just ALWAYS ATTACHED TO HER. No amount of convincing will get me out of it either, because our families are close and celebrate Eid 2gther most of the time, yet me and her broke apart. Eventually, when I do leave this country, she'll be the person ill be most happy about forgetting.
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why's ramadan draining the life out of me??
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In Islam, you're supposed to raise your kids FAIRLY. Its cultural belief, that only girls should help out their mothers.
ReplyIs that how it is in Iran?
ReplyWho said I was in Iran ๐
ReplyI hope youโre in America. Best country ever. However I was responding to someone else whose comment t was taken down. I used Iran as an example as their culture like many other countries that put women down in the social hierarchy is predominantly Muslim. That religion puts males above females in the social hierarchy. That could be, not saying it is, but could be why your mom is stressing on you and not your brother.
Reply...I'm not in America either. It's just the way everythings worked here, always the woman taking care of the household and none of the men even bother helping.
Reply