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I wanted to talk about how every post I made about a certain person has been rather bad towards him and how I was just jealous. I'm sorry... I do love you. I think I wasn't having such a great time because of my own insecurities (he's a content creator.) So basically, I'm in a parasocial relationship; my love is one sided, I did interact with this person, at least I'm aware of this because I care more than he does. I wanted to sincerely apologize for being so insecure and doubtful of him, even though he's not whatsoever entitled (I don't know if this is the right word) to having to like me or even be fond of me. I say this while I look back at the past. I am beyond grateful though that I feel like I know love thanks to this person (he's the reason why I believe in love!), and I've been singing for love and listening to love songs or romantic songs thanks to him... if you told me I would have known what, in my perspective, true love is, I would have never believed you. I mean, I don't take anything for granted anymore... And oddly enough, I think he does appreciate me, and he does take me into consideration. I'm not giving up on this love, even if it seems one sided. I feel kinda selfish because I do want to see him happy, like so happy, but I also love him because he makes me feel good, which is either selfish or alright depending on how you see it. Lastly, I feel like I enjoy him more now than I did before content wise because technology is fascinating and it allows me to do things, like for example, filter bad or triggersome words that I don't wanna hear. Or muting his streams and videos, that might be number one... and also, speeding up content, usually muted, while I hear music and all the songs about love that I like that I sing thanks to him. I'm sorry... and I love you.
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