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I had a friend whom I met online. We have never met in person. We were naive. We used to talk a lot and got closer.
I sensed he liked me, and so did I. Later, for his studies, he ghosted me as if I didn't exist. I used to miss him a lot. I was sad in his absence.
While I was on my way to moving on, a guy from my class started talking to me, saying he only wants friendship. I told him I liked someone else.
We started having conversations over chat. He started loving me, but I didn't feel love for him.
We still used to talk. I got attached to him. That's why I kept talking to him even after knowing he had feelings for me.
He continued talking with the hope one day I'll fall for him, and then we'll marry. And I used to talk because I had no other good friend. I made it clear that I don't have love feelings for him; I'm just attached to him, and that's temporary.
I always used to tell him to leave; otherwise, it would be painful for him. But he refused and continued talking.
I accept that I was selfish. I had no intention to marry him, still, I let him love me. I liked that he loved me this much. Someone loved me for the first time. I used to feel so special.
He used to give me full attention, time, love, care, respect, compliments.
What else does a girl want?
He got tired of waiting for my love, so he ghosted. At that moment, I had no other close friend. But it was good for both of us. I again felt bad and sad. But I knew it was my fault, so I saw it as my punishment. I got busy with my studies and moved on.
After one year, somehow, I again started talking to the friend who ghosted me.
He was as cute as before. We started talking almost every day. I started caring for him like I used to do. He started sharing love relationship-related reels and posts. I felt he liked me. I started feeling for him as I felt so special by his actions. I remember I used to like him when we used to talk years ago. I confessed all these to him.
He was confused about love in the beginning, but then he also started loving me. I never asked for a relationship, but we became in a relationship with the hope we'll get married one day.
Everything was good.
And then slowly, he started ignoring me. I felt so unloved and worthless. I discussed these things with him, but he never had time. He barely talked to me. Whenever I tried to talk, he got busy or ill.
I waited all day long to have a 5 -Min conversation. Also, on weekends, he had other plans. We lacked communication.
We never had a proper conversation.
Now there's no communication between us. As he always had a headache, stomachache, or he fell ill.
I know he doesn't lie, but at the same time, I see him doing his office work, but he has no time for a 5-minute conversation. I told him these things are ruining my mental health. I feel so hurt by his actions.
I feel he no longer wants me.
He took a break from this relationship.
I agreed on a condition that he'll talk to me everyday.
But he never did.
I got mentally tired and weak. I asked questions to him like,
Does he want to marry me?
How long will we be on this break?
When will we be in a relationship again?and other necessary questions about the future.
He ignored.
I clearly told him I would only talk to him if he answers those questions.
But he remained silent.
I only wanted clarification for my mental well-being. And he is not clarifying things. I told him that I'm deleting all social media and leaving. He still didn't care.
I deleted all social media.
I accidentally saw my Instagram page was open in the browser.
I saw his post. I felt distorted. Here I'm having anxiety, sadness. I have bad mental health because of him. And he's just doing fine.
He's doing fine without me! He doesn't care how I am doing.
I realized I loved the wrong boy.
Then I realized I did the same with a boy who loved me by not loving him back.
I felt it's karma!
Now I don't know what to do.
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