Hollow

I’m sure nobody

would even notice the thing

that keeps me wide eyed.

•

That version of me

is somebody I envy,

but also pity.

•

The lowest valley,

in hindsight, seems not so bad.

I can’t think that way.

•

The person I was

had nothing in her at all,

a hollow being.

•

Yet I’m jealous of

a formerly thinner me

who threw up daily,

•

all because she was

skinny. And people noticed.

And it felt so good.

•

The hunger felt like

I was doing something right

even when it hurt.

•

And I cannot see

that school bathroom and not think

of that awful day.

•

My hands are tainted.

My mind and stomach are at

a current ceasefire.

•

My camera roll is

flooded of pictures of me,

but not really me.

•

That girl isn’t me.

There is nothing left in her.

No food and no fight.