It’s been a long time since I actually wrote anything...

Because when I do, I don’t. I don’t reveal all that I can. I don’t push myself out of the so called comfort zone. I just think I have overall stopped. Or halted. Paused even. Doing what I absolutely need to do otherwise I’m in my happy place. It’s a safe little paradise I have created to survive in this awful reality which is also some kind of simulation. I have no idea where I am headed towards both personal and professional sectors combined and I have absolutely no fucking problem about it. I mean what can I do? God knows I have cried and cried for years at end. Now it’s just eh. Just another blah. On a big pile of blah sundae, the big fucking cherry on top is the fact that majority of people are just plain fucking blah!!!! They lack any kind of sense of adventure or passion besides sex of course and any kind of knowledge they have is so superficial that I shudder in my mind. It’s always pop culture which is great but there is hardly any challenge these days in a proper conversation. I feel so alienated around people that my mind chose simply be alone. isolation felt better than company. I know, irony is a consistent winner. That bitch always wins. I think Irony is Karma’s little sister. Both badass bitches. Both take turns to laugh and play and mock us. Nowadays I know exactly what to say to keep the conversation move forward. It’s so predictable. I so want to break free from such predictability and stand face to face with people and circumstances that’ll teach me something. Because right now the view from where I am standing sucks balls. The desire to do something big is an insatiable hunger that lives inside you. But the knowledge that you’re better and yet you cannot really do anything about it is the most wonderful pain you’ll ever receive. Fuck every kind of pain. The biggest pain is “I could have done it…” in our hearts. Damn, I love this new janky keyboard.