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don't know if I feel happy with the way I'm feeling, or if I'm just tryna make myself feel better. Haven't had a good convo, let alone a good friendship with someone in a few YEARS. I so badly want a friend again, like just having someone to text and look forward to, would make my day much better. I would prefer a friend irl, but it feels like there's no one to fill that gap in. When I mean no one, I MEAN IT. I wanna be able to go out with my friend/bsf shopping, I wanna eat dessert w her, I wanna do eachothers makeup, I wanna be comfortable with her and I wanna be able to talk to her about everything, someone who has humour yet can be serious. Even if it's too much to ask for, I WANNA BE THE FIRST CHOICE. Not 3rd or 5th, 1st. PBut now it feels like I'm gonna have to consider an online friend. Been there, had plenty of online friends but I'm unsure if I wanna put myself thru this again. I'm scared, like genuinely. I might feel all lonely at times and js not care about anything going wrong, and all ill want is a friend. But its like, I'm so scared because what if I get attached all over again? Childhood bsf threw away over a decades worth of friendship for a girl we both hated. Took me atleast 2 years to get to the point where it didnt affect me as much. Then, made another bsf who stuck with me for a few yrs. Called me her bestfriend, yet went out of her way to post a vid about her 'ONLY' bestfriend. And it's sometimes like, 'shouldn't i be thankful I dont have to deal with friendship drama?', but likeeee i miss having someone. I want a friend, then again I don't. What do I even do?
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Don’t worry about it friends are temporary
ReplyI guess you could try looking out and finding for one. Maybe they are those people you least expected. It happens actually, and I get that you are kind of afraid, but it will be worth it. I hope you find that friend you are looking for:)). I, too have been afraid before to admit and look for friends because of bad experiences, but we cannot generalize them, doesn't mean some turned out to be the ones who could hurt us everyone would, you should try and trust me maybe they are just around you. They may be those people you least expected and you'll see and enjoy just how much depth they have in them, and how you can learn from each other and grow from it. Some friends are temporary or even, not all people will stay, but when you find a true friend who will always be there for you no matter what, that feels great. I hope you find that person :))
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