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Well, I think it comes from my parents, who always wanted me to do my best, even in hard circumstances. Now, this sounds like a good thing, and it is to some degree. But, the dark side is the fact that even if I was injured or unwell, the same was still expected of me. Obviously, this leaves room for harsh judgements on myself when I don't do as well because of unusual circumstances. For example, today I am skipping a class because I have been sick, on top of that I got two hours of sleep because I felt so awful I couldn't sleep, and I have autoimmune issues, so being sick can make a lot worse. For example, my lip literally swelled up today because of the stress of not sleeping and being sick. Maybe that sounds crazy, but I am a person who gets chronic idiopathic hives/urticaria that worsens when my physical condition worsens, so this is not abnormal for me, and I have some medication that helps. Anyway, at this point, maybe this sounds all too depressing, but I roll with the punches of my strange physical condition, and I'm managing most of the time. That's besides the point, you know what was crazy? Me feeling guilty for emailing my teacher saying I'm skipping a class because I am sick. I always feel like I should be able to pull myself together and do anything despite my condition because that was how I was raised. How stupid, not to mention that I shouldn't get others sick, so like why did I feel guilty? Because my parents ingrained it so hard into my soul to be perfect, that I can always do better, that I can overcome anything, and do things depsite feeling like crap. Like no, sometimes you just need to rest so you can do things. So yeah, it's really annoying how I can recognize this problem, but it is so ingrained in me to feel like this, that the guilt is still there in the background.
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Stop being so influenced by other people and think for yourself. That's why you have your own individual brain so you don't need to rely on other people's brains.
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