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I've spent the last phew days asking myself if he still loves me. But no one will answer the question so i just sit their on my bed crying and upset like no one can here my screams of pain. Im alone. My friend is going through something to but i dont know how to help them. Im hurting so much inside that i just cant handle my pain and someone else's. Its to late now shes self harmed now i feel guilty like ive just betrayed my best friend. Shes in so much pain but so am i. Im sick of being silent. Everyone thinks im okay now but ill never be okay. This boy is messing with my head and heart and i just cant deal with it anymore. Hes not the same boy i fell in love with. Hes changed and its not a good change. But i love him, i love him so much that it hurts. Everyday i wonder does this boy still love me, does he like someone else, does he think im unattractive. Hes been doing stuff that i dont want him to do, im only a confused sick teenager i cant handle all this pain. No one can understand me i feel so different from everyone else. My mother thinks im fine at school, she thinks ive made so many new mates but thats all a lie. She thinks im all better now but thats a lie too. I keep lying to her but i only do it to keep her happy.
This boy has me wrapped around his finger. Im so attached to him i cant let go of our relationship. Hes the only boy who knows whats actually going on in my life. I really dont think i can keep this relationship going. But if i end it ill be the bad guy for breaking a young boys heart. I break down in tears every night because of this boy. I have so many voices in my head i just cant do this anymore.
I dont know whats going to happen but all i know is that i cant keep suffering forever i have to let him go one day. I just dont know when that day will come.
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