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i wonder if i'd have kept saying no, if he wouldn't have done it or if he never intended to take that as his answer to begin with.
i wonder if it really counts since we were dating. since i did, technically, say yes. eventually. even though i didn't want it. even though it happened enough times that i stopped trying to say no.
and i know i should be more upset at him but i'm just upset in general-- i'd just sort of blocked it all out of my mind and then like a month ago i just remembered everything. we're still friends, though we don't talk much. i don't think of him as a bad person. i can't. i don't hate him, i just hate the way it makes me feel.
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