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I don't know why I keep thinking about it when we clearly got rid of each other. You were my soulmate, that one person to whom I could say everything, my heart breaks, my traumas. It's been two years since we decided to definitly cut contact and I'm still hurting. I know I'm the only one hurting, but I can't help it. Everytime I draw one of my OCs, I think about all the stories we made together about them. I think about it everyday, because it was something that was making my days easier to go by. I've came back so many times only to be deceived again and again, until I realised you never came back. Because you find someone to replace me. Even if you were denying it, you replaced me. I am drawing Niniel right now, and all I can think about is all the story board we made with your OC. I can't get over it. I will soon be 30 years old, but for some reason, I can't get over that friendship that started off a stupid yaoi coment on facebook when I was 16, and that lasted for almost 10 years. People told me to just get over it and that I will find a new bestfriend. It never happened. Every good friendship I had lasted for some months and just stopped. I can't get over it. But I don't want to come back again. And I know that you won't come back either. There is so much things I want to say, like I changed job, house, I lost my cat and got a new one. How Kairen is still hard stuck in my head even if I created her 10 years ago. I'm getting old and I'm not even able to get over a dead friendship. I bet you don't even know I finaly cosplayed one of my dream cosplays, I hand crafted everything. But I have no good shot of it because you were my best photographer. And you let your so called new bestfriend insult me under it. When someone asks me about my best memories, I always speak about when we went to paris for a week to japan expo and at night we went out to burn hand fireworks in the summer. I hate summer, but I loved this one. I don't even know why I'm writing right now, because I know you're not even thinking about me anymore. Do you even remember my name? Do you recall when we lived together when I was 18 and we were taking photos under the snow? I bet you don't, but I do. Sometimes, music that I was listening to back then come back to my spotify. Niniel's theme is coming back often, and I feel weird everytime. I think you are what we call an unforgettable love. Not in a romantic way. But just in a pure way. I loved you more than anything in the world, and I will always love you. Even if it's not reciprocate, and you hurted me a lot. But I still love you. I miss the time when I could just text you like "bro I just saw a weird dog" and you would keep going with my shit. I never found someone like you again. There is this game I want to play so much with you, but I can't. I don't even know if you know that game. I'm just going back and forth with all of this. I wish I could send this to you. But even if I did, I know you will just ignore it. Because even if we were all for each others, you went away.
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