Feeling disoriented

I just had to use another word other than "lost" because don't ask me why but I just hate that word... so I used disoriented. I realize that I'm living in a box called home. I realize there's plenty of stuff to do. Yet constantly I don't know where to go or how to choose the things that I actually wanna do. And about the real, outside world? I've completely forgotten about it, so don't even bring it up. I'm a little afraid of not watching the news just in case something really bad happens in the world and I'm not aware of it... but I figure I would know pretty quick, and for now I have my mom to notify me of the news of the real world. In the meantime, I'm struggling to find joy in the things I used to like, because you know what's happening? In the beginning of something, you are devoid of the so called awful "triggers," so those tend to accumulate over time and really suck all the potential for enjoyment out of things. You know that feeling in the beginning everything is joy and one-shottable, like in games where whatever adversity you face you do it the first tries, and then your brain does nothing but fuck up every subsequent attempt? That's my life right now. I like don't wanna do anything anymore, either because I'm afraid or don't know where to go. And doing nothing seems profoundly boring having access to so much on the internet. Can't bring myself to do anything, if I do I don't enjoy it fully. It's very strange these days to find a "new love" or "new passion," something that makes me regain desire to live. I can name one thing that would be the case, but you probably wouldn't care about it... it's a game. It's hard to have desire to do things, on top of that new things that are good don't come out really often, and I've become really dependent on other people to entertain me.