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I've been with my husband (40) since I (38) was 18 years old. He never wanted a relationship when we were single and young while we were hanging out, which was understandable because I was 18 and he was 21 at the time. He was a free bird while I was looking for something a bit more committed and steady. I asked him if he wanted to be my boyfriend and he turned me down. A few weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. We decided to get married because it was the "right" thing to do. We didn't have family or friends nearby to ask for advice. We were in the military and 1000 miles away on the other side of the country from our homes. Family also tries not to interfere but sometimes, it's appropriate to speak up. I wish they had.
He's been a good man over these last 20 years. We had the one child (who is now 18 and about to graduate high school). He's a great kid and I can tell he feels lucky to have loving parents who are still together. We are a healthy and close family unit.
I've been carrying a little secret for about 10 years now.
My secret is that I don't want to be with my husband anymore. We treat each other well. We are good together. But we are different. We are both good people who function properly in a marriage. I'm just not sure we're right for each other as far as life choices go. I [think] I would be happier either single or with another man who would provide be with better emotional security and commitment. But he would never be able to replace the life I've lived with my husband. Not that I would want him to, but I strongly feel like I would never find someone as good as my husband, especially at my age. They would have crazy back stories and baggage and I don't think I want to deal with all that. But I don't want to be with my husband anymore. I just don't. He's expressed to me how he feels he's wasted his youth being married for so long. He regrets not being able to date women and have the s3x life he desires (basically, a single guy who can sleep with as many women or whomever he wants without consequence). But we both know that our time for dating is over, even if we weren't married. People slow down after a certain age.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I'm unhappy but I'm not really sure why. I just feel like my marriage has served its purpose and ran its course with him. But everything I read online keeps telling me that marriage should end if there's abuse or violence but that's not present here. I feel like I can only justify getting out of a marriage if I'm being abused, which is not the case. I just want something different. But is it worth splitting up a family? Not really, no. I'm so afraid that if I leave, no one will ever want me and I'll be left feeling even more depressed and uprooted.
I feel like neither one of us wants to enter the modern dating scene (which is a shitshow) but I also feel like I deserve someone who is committed to me and wouldn't have the desire to sleep with others. I want to lead a healthier life but I would have such a difficult time trusting men because of the dating apps and ease of access to women. But I don't know. It's just a mess.
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Talk to your husband about this and ask him if he will join you in seeing a marriage counselor. If he won't you see one on your own and see what this trained person has to say about your situation. Best wishes.
ReplyThank you for being kind and providing advice. It's appreciated.
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