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No names are required, but I feel like I can share at least my age I'm an 19yo young men, and let's leave it at that.
I hate my body and my mind, i hate this flesh prison oh how i wish i could change it like a piece of clay, if i could i would finally look like those pretty people on the internet, i want to claw my face off, do everything i can to not see it in any type of reflection, no matter how much appreciation i get and how many compliments i get by being called "Pretty" or "Handsome" i just can't take them because i ain't those people i so much hate, but so much want to look like it.
I begin to hate my own family members, my cousin who is stronger and more handsome than me, i can't even look in his eyes without wanting to rip his face off and wear it as mine, it's a dark thought and i know it and that's what makes me more upset and confused, i hate having these violent thoughts.
I live with my Grandma, there are no mirror's anymore in my home, i avoid every reflective surface, i walk with my head down on the streets so i don't have the need to compare myself to anyone who pass by me, i wake up everyday with the depression and envy, i see professional help since i was 13, but little has changed.
Once my biggest wish was to have a family, now that dream is dead because i see myself as a ugly monster that no one would want to talk with, i cry, i cry until i can't cry anymore, tried to overdose yesterday but to no avail, i'm just tired......
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Feeling tired
I just wanna end it all, i don't mean ending my life. But i just want to stop time for 100 years and think, think about my life and if what i'm doing is right....
I still love you ...
ReplyCheer up 😉
You know what you have to do.
Reply