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I wish I could tell you everything. Wish I knew if you cared enough to want to know. But my mind is such a mess right now. I keep writing it out and deleting it. What am I really scared of? Nobody would try to diminish my grief, especially not you. But everything is just a jumbled mess in my head. And I miss her, but sometimes I feel numb about it and other times it consumes me. That's just the process. Thank you for giving me space, as much as sometimes I wish I could close the gap. I feel like you would be the person to hold me deeply if I needed it. But I don't know if you would want that. And I don't even know how to verbalize everything right now. So I will just wait until my mind settles down and the whole in my chest feels a little bit smaller, the weight a little bit lighter. And then I will let you know. Not because I have to, or because I should. But just because I can. Just because you'll listen, and you'll try to understand. Just because you are you.
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I want to know so badly and be there for you. Iam scared of what I’ll hear but I want to be better for you, more gentle, more secure and more listening.
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