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I'm literally done. My school does a stupid 'graduation' thing for when your going in your last years of school, and for it u need good attendance. You can clearly guess, I DONT have good attendance yet im not far off. Idk, I js cant be bothered w the graduation thing, if i don't meet the expectations guess ill js not go and sleep in for once. What annoys me is js my form teacher COMING at me, js cause my attendance isn't "good enough" (its literally 95% wym?? Need like 97 to graduate) and then she decides to SWEETLY tell another girl that her 65% attendance is okay 🥰 like girl.. WHAT THE HELL??? Maybe cs theyre both white, thats why she favours her own ppl over me. Anyway, they started this new homework thing where u get 7 pieces of hw AN HOUR LONG EACH WEEK!!! Like oh my god, does it get even worse???? For me yeah, it does. If I could js stay home and do my work here, I'd be so thankful. Like going back into quarantine CAUSE I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE. Doesnt help that I feel like a literal outcast, I dont feel pretty, nor do I feel "good" enough (not happy w scores unless they're full), im jealous of a lot of girls here and I hate that about myself. Especially this one girl, she's so lucky she's pretty. Growing up my ma wanted me to look js like her, and so it kinda hurts seeing someone who takes after exactly what she wanted in her own daughter. Had to sit w a group of girls today, and tell my WHY they bring up the topic of sexual harassment?? I don't even know where it came from, but in the past I've went thru it too. And in school IT ALWAYS seems to become the topic whenever I'm sat w random girls. It's literally the 4th time its happened, and its happened after so long too. I am slowly getting over it, im better but it doesn't help when that topic comes up again, its just like ugh. I was sat there thinking, "I'm prob the person they least expect it to happen to" (like if they knew, their jaws would drop) while they literally JOKED about it. That group of girls have some sort of underlying hatred towards one another, you can literally feel it and hear it from their weird comments that have totally different meanings than u think. Still, I wish I was an average girl in my school. I wanna be able to look in the school bathrooms and feel pretty, I want friends, I want friends I can talk to about simple things like makeup and 'girl-talk' and I wanna be able to apply lipgloss too. My lips feel weird whenever I wear lipgloss its like I js drowned them in oil, (only rlly feels like that in school) and my face is already glowy enough (oily skin 💔), I dont need my lips looking shiny either. I feel like I've lost myself since I dont feel confident talking to people anymore, nor do I feel like I can even converse with people properly. (Blaming a girl I tried befriending, SHE LITERALLY COMMUNICATE W HER EYES, SHE DUDNT SPWAK TO ME FOR A MONTH YET STUCK W ME, FOLLOWED ME n I got fed up of her since the one time she talked, she said she didn't like her old friendgroup, then the next thing yk, she wasn't talking to me EVEN THO I TRIED TALKING TO HERR and she went back to her old friendgroup 🥰🥰 ugh I hate people) and like injust wish I had decent friends, like why do I deserve to go thru highschool being all alone when other girls have fun and life their best lives? (I'm literally considering finding online friends again, yet im scared) I'm too busy trapped in my awful mindset thats fixed on who's pretty and who's not, constantly tryna be more like them so I'm less jealous, hating myself for being jealous and not having anyone to hang around w, and being disgusted since I spend my break and lunch time in the bathroom stalls (I literally have no one to sit w, no way am I sitting alone w hundreds of girls surrounded around me talking to their friends).
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