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How feelings work? When I was 18 I actually fell for a boy who's one year older than me. He's a flirt and I have heard all kind of rumors about him but still fell for him over and over again. I was madly in love. One day we started talking and exchanged our numbers. Talking to him became a routine. Then one day I got to know about what he has done in the past with proof and those people warned me to be safe saying he's just fooling you around. I was shocked and sad but still decided to give him a chance. I opened up about this with him and asked what happened. I even said that I don't care about how you were in the past as long as you're transparent with me. But he was constantly bluffing, and he didn't accept until the very end. He said that others are spreading rumors about him and destroying his image. But we both knew what happened there. I still felt like he should be a part of my life. I love the way he teases me, we fight like tom and jerry, his cheesy words and everything about him. He was in a real low state by that time when his friends were starting degree. But I wanted to be there with him cheer him up and support him. But turned out he wasn't ready for a honest commitment. It broke my heart to take the decision of ending things. I even has said my dad that I loved him and when things went down and when dad asked me what happened I lied and backed up his name. Didn't want to ruin anything for him. But I did a stupid thing by saying okay to another person thinking that would hurt my ex. But turned out the second person is actual gem. And my ex and him are best buddies. I told everything to him and how I stupidly gave my word without thinking about how it would affect him. Then we took things slow and we now in a relationship of 5 years. There were moments I had to talk with my ex. He said he sees me as a good friend. He has a gf now. But these years weren't easy for me. He still saying that those were rumors, and he has this guilt of not stopping me and put effort for our relationship. I think I still care for him. I never hated him till now even after everything I've gone through. Is it normal to still think about my first love? Am I missing my first love or am I missing the old me? Why first love is always like this? Will I ever get over this? I need your opinions!!!
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