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Married 12 years. I initiated sex.
Husband tried to drag me over to sit on his face. I said no I'm not comfortable with it.
I Tried to pull away
He dragged me back again
Then he said "Why can't you just be dirty sometimes and do the things I like?"
I gently extracted myself and left the room without a word My heart beating so fast. Cheeks hot. I feel physically sick
Baby woke up right after. while I was tending to her he tried to talk about it. I said "I'm not discussing this in front of our baby"
He said "Ok but I do want to highlight the fact that the way you have done that isn't very good."
I walked away
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For real? Ok if in fact this is real he is your husband. That's what communication is for. To tell what you like, don't like, want to try beforehand. That's what the word no is for if you didn't want that. You both should enjoy it or just don't go there. Im not sure your husband is very mature really.
ReplyProbably not a good idea to walk away from that conversation, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you.
My husband never talked to me. He never told me what was wrong. We never fought. We never argued. We looked like a good relationship because we always had fun together. But, that's all we had. Fun. We never talked about anything real. I did everything to try to get him talking, but he never would.
We tried therapy, but he turned into an irrational mess one day. He said something awful during therapy. I was shocked. The therapist jumped up, pointed at him all excited, looked at me and said, "There! There it is! That is who he really is".
Fucking terrible therapist. I had got him there. Do you know how hard it was to get him to even walk through that door? After that, nope, he was done. Lol I dont blame him for it though. I was done with therapists, too.
So, I resigned to the fact we would just coast through our marriage with nothing real to say to each other. I accepted that we would never use each other for support. There were other good things about our marriage. We had a good time. It was fine. I loved him and I liked him, but I didn't need his support. I'm ok on my own.
He however was not. He bottled up all his issues, hid somewhere around the house and drank his problems away.
And because I had stopped trying to talk to him, I didn't see it. I believed him when he told me he was sick all the time. Or that he was just tired. Or he was just clumsy. There was always some sort of excuse he had, and I didn't investigate. I found him lying on the floor, unable to get up and having visual and auditory hallucinations. Even then, I was in denial. Even then, he lied.
It's easy to trick someone into believing something when they want to believe it.
And then, one day, I wasn't in denial. He left, and I chased after his ass. I hounded and bullied him into getting help. He went. He was better for two months. That was all.
So, marriage over. After 25 years together, we failed in communicating and our marriage failed because of it.
This is extreme, but what seems like a small issue, over time, will just pick away at a relationship and make a hole that you will not be able to fill.
Tell yourself why you feel uncomfortable. If you aren't ready to tell him why, ask him for patience while you get ready to explain. Do the work it takes to communicate. Turn out the lights, close your eyes when you tell him if that's what it takes. But, tell him why. Your marriage is worth it.
ReplyI am not the original post-er, but I think this is excellent advice, specifically the emphasis on communication. I always say the 3 C's: communication, commitment and compromise, are the keys to a successful marriage. Easier said than done of course. Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
Mary, Mother of Christ, intercede for us with your prayers, now, and always.
And after our worst deeds - never forget God forgives us when we repent through Christ Jesus.
ReplyIf you do the dirty things he likes, when you break up, he'll throw it back in your face and call you a whore.
Replyshe can just reply that's how much she loved him, she gave him what he wanted, and it might make him realize what he lost
Reply