My Unsent Letter

Hi love!

I know you won't be able to read or see this letter but I still wanna let you know everything's been going on with myself lately. :) It's been 5 months since our breakup and I know that I am okay now. I've moved forward with life but I cannot confirm if I am fully moved on with our relationship. I tried opening my doors to going out on dates but it went for once or twice only. I just know that I am just looking for companionship at the moment. I am somewhat enjoying myself being single, I guess? I love the feeling of being alone. i have nothing to care about (except my son ofc), nothing to stress about.

I know you're happy with someone new, and I am truly happy for you. It's just.... lately you've been appearing in my dreams, CLEARLY. Haven't seen you for months that I forgot how you look like but my subconscious mind somehow memorized all your features... as in EXACT details that even the scenario on our first date appeared in my dreams. You were smiling there. You're looking at me like you love me so much but as the dream goes on, you're smile starts to fade and you look like someone I don't know anymore. It reaped something inside me that I cried my eyes out and woke up crying. That made me realize how happy I am during that relationship. I just know that what we had, even for a short time, was genuine.

I tried hating you. My friends found out details about some of your whereabouts during our rough patch that hurt me. I thought it's enough to make me hate you but I was just mad. Nothing can ever make me hate you. Whatever happened after we broke up, my mind kind of disregard it because I somehow hope that you're still the same person I fell in love with when we were together. I know that you're still a good guy, just not to me. Not for me anymore. A part of me still yours. I'll be forever ruined by you. I'm damned. I still love you but I'm not in love with you anymore. No matter how big this love I have for you, I don't wish for us to be back together. I cannot go through that devastating heartbreak when you decided to blame everything on me, to breakup and leave everything we've built together and then jump to another girl who you met from work because "she understands you better" because you're on the same line of work.

I'm writing this letter to stop myself from doing things I'll regret later, like harming myself. I considered going again to therapy but I kind of handling it well so some time soon.

I hope you're doing well. I still wish you the best. :)

Your ex love,

Tin