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Sometimes I wake up in the morning and just lay there. Wondering how am I alive and I’m not actually living. Alive just to exist. I feel feelings that i know there are words for but I can’t seem to put in words what I’m feeling. To feel weighed down and heavy and empty all at the same time. It’s like I fight for happiness. Like how is it so easy to be sad buts it’s harder to be happy. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m not even trying hard enough to be happy. I feel like I am trying to make everyone happy and all it’s doing it pulling me in every direction. I feel disappointed because no matter what I do someone is always acting like I’m choosing the other person over them and all it’s doing is making me want to run away from them all. It probably makes no sense I just want everyone to be happy and no matter I do that doesn’t seem to happen. I wonder sometimes should I just run off and just find a peaceful place to sit and just stare into space until I pass. Days aren’t always like this but still I feel like I’m not living to live but just living to exist.
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Hopefully you've cleared your mind, since your state of mind and your happiness are the priority in your life. Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
Mary, Mother of Christ, intercede for us with your prayers, now, and always.
And after our worst deeds - never forget God forgives us when we repent through Christ Jesus.
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