Been feeling down lately

This past week hasn't been the best.

I've always struggled with anxiety and depression, most of that comes from my father's fault, let's just say he ain't the father of the year.

This past week if I tried to do something I would do it completely wrong, to a point that I was afraid of doing even a small thing.

You trying to bake something? Maybe not.

You trying to turn on the water heater? Maybe I'll just explote in your face and burn your hand, and then your parents won't even ask if you're ok.

Wanna try talking about how tired you feel to your sick mom? Mmm guess not she just said that she's more tired and you don't get to feel tired.

For context, my mom has an autoimmune disease, I know she's tired, I know it's hard for her, but I don't get to feel tired cause she's more tired?

And I don't mean it in a mean way, I love her, I really do, but sometimes when she makes those type of comments just breaks me.

Today I woke up, found my dad in the kitchen making his breakfast, he was just making a mess everywhere, he started spilling water on an open drawer so I told him "Dad, the water is leaking there", and he just started screaming at me telling me to clean it up if it was so messy with bad words and all.

Of course I started crying, I've been holding up a lot and I started crying and I couldn't even eat. My mom came out of her room and asked what was wrong, but what am I suppose to say? I'm tired? She's just gonna say the same thing again.

But she wouldn't accept a nothing so I had to say to her that I was tired and what my dad said to me.

Did he apologize? Nop

Now I'm just at work crying and feeling like shit, cause my mom thinks I'm tired of her being sick, when it's not that.

I'm just really really tired.