I don't know how much longer I can keep this up

if you're on here enough, you've probably seen at least one of my posts about this. I'm the queer 14f with a crush on a girl named L___.

a couple of updates:

update 1: I'm like 99% sure shes queer too (yay!!!!) I might make another post with the reasoning cause she hasn't told me explicitly but that not what this is about

update 2: ok so yk that trend thing where you like press on someones stomach while they're laying down and it's supposed to reveal their "true laugh?" so someone's done that to me before (no it wasn't her, sadly, I think I would either melt into the ground or just straight(lol) up kiss her at that point), so I've heard what it sounds like. the other day, she complimented my laugh. that alone was amazing bc yk, she complimented me. but she has no idea that that laugh is just for her. my laugh is different around anyone else. EVERYONE else. I am sosososososo close with some of my friends, but they don't get this laugh. no siree. the laugh that she complimented, the laugh that is FOR HER, is my true laugh. I didn't even draw this connection until the next day. but that is just so many layers of !!!! like first of all, she complimented basically the purest form of me that I can give her. what. second, it implies that down to my very soul, I love her. like whoops I just slipped up and gave you the purest form of intimacy I can and you complimented it.

going back to the title, I really don't know how long I can keep this up. it would be suuuuch a bad idea to tell her, especially NOW.

oh wait I had one more update so update 3: i'm working out now for several reasons but mostly bc I want to impress her with my muscles >:3c (other reason being bc of Korra from legend of Korra look her if you don't know who that is you'll see what I mean) (also that emoji thing was just to be silly I swear) I calculated and I will probably be able to get some muscles by summer break which is good cause I have a really good new bathing suit for that... OMG I'LL ASK IF SHE WANTS TO GO TO THE POOL IN MY TOWN WITH ME. THE GAY AGENDA IS REAL AND ITS TO TAKE THIS GIRL TO THE POOL AND IMPRESS HER WITH MY KORRA LOOKIN ABS AND MY FINE-TUNED CANNONBALL SKILLS

moral of the story: I'm gay, shes gay, she likes my laugh but she doesn't know she's the only one it's for, Korra is hot, I'm gonna be hot too, i'm really good at cannonballs.

this whole thing was probably incoherent it's 11:30 PM but its fine