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when we hear the word depression it seems like a normal illness which will pass in a week or two, people who are feeling depressed usually don't like to talk about it. and some people have been using this words so commonly the meaning of the word has changed.
depression is disease of thoughts where all you think about is negativity, no hope and future. you cannot explain to people what is happening inside your brain, sometimes you cannot even explain to yourself and it makes you feel more intense and helpless, relentless with yourself for feeling like this, hating your own existence, it makes you afraid of your own reflection. and when you try to tell people they counter like " thank god you don't have cancer or broken leg, it will pass ". you just want to be left alone, be invisible, come out of your own body and give yourself a break, atleast for one moment, you just cannot take this a second longer and the next moment seems impossible to live.
it make you feel like you are the only person who is feeling like this, the invisible pain people cannot see, sometimes you wish for physical pain just any other distraction for your mind to stop the button ,to stop thinking and break the cycle of repetitive negative thoughts. it's not like depress people wants to be happy, no they just want to be normal, they just want to escape their mind and their thoughts, to feel empty.
mostly as much i have experienced people who are depressed are scared of going mad by thinking non-stop, the mental and physical exhaustion, the intense and jittery feeling, heaving of chest and suffocation even when their is air, you are hungry but cannot eat, body aching even if you haven't done anything, the inability to speak or listen, to explain, the feeling of loneliness and disconnection from people, god, trembling of body, insomnia , and the melodramatic phase where every emotions are intensified.
all people see mental illness as a sign of vulnerability and weakness, they don't want to talk about it, they don't know the miracle of sharing
" word's just sometimes can set you free" - Matt Haig Quote [ reasons to stay alive ]
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. As a person with depression, this word has been so used to the point it is meaningless. Once people at my high school (who are popular, have no bullies, and have perfect mental health) experience the smallest inconvenience they say, "Omg, I'm soo depressed! 😋" Like it's a cool thing. When the same kids are saying to me, "Why are you so sad and quiet all the time?" I say, "Oh, its just my depression." And they respond, "Jeez, buddy, just don't overreact, be happier, its not that hard." LIKE SHUT THE F UP, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO FEEL LIKE YOU'RE BEING JUDGED EVERY SECOND, AND THAT YOU'RE NOT ONLY SAD AND ANGRY AT LIFE BUT WISH YOU COULD JUST END IT ALL BUT YOU CAN'T BECAUSE IT WOULD MAKE EVERYONE ELSE SAD, SO YOU JUST FLOAT THROUGH LIFE FEELING LIKE DRIED GUM AT THE BOTTOM OF A SEWER.
ReplyI enjoyed how you defined depression. I’ve always struggled to put my depression into layman’s terms and end up using figurative language. In doing so people assume I’m asking for a solution. Thanks for sharing.
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