just feeling aline

I feel alone, don't even know why, I have so many people around but still I feel alone, like I can't talk to anyone, I can't express myself freely to anyone, can't even express myself to my parents or sister about what I like or what I want or what I am interested in, I have a few friends too that I know will be there for me if I really go and talk to them, but I just feel like I can't talk to them either, not to my parents not to my sister not to my friends not to my cousins no one, whenever I tell someone that I am interested in this or I like this or whatever they always kinda make fun of it and I know they are joking but when it gets to the point that every single time I tell them about my interests or likes, they make fun of it, it just doesn't feel like joking anymore, it feels like they really are making fun of me, even the small little things, like I reading books or that I like writing or even as small as the music I like listening to, they always have something to say.... I don't have anyone with whom I can feel comfort sharing anything and every little thing about myself and not fear them making fun of me or judging me for it... I just feel so so so alone, even in a room full of people

I sometimes just want to stop feeling, just not feel anything, not sad, not happy, just nothing