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why ? why do we strive so hard to forgive forget and move on ? why can't we just hold on to it for a little longer ? I know it may not be healthy to "society" but is it healthy for our well being mentally , emotionally and hey even physically. I oh so bad want to live up to that saying , like actually say it out loud and actually mean it, but I can't. I don't want to forgive so instantly what is that doing for me how does that actually help my healing ? Do I want to forget ? wouldn't that sorta be like sweeping it under the rug ? how much sweeping before all the dirt starts piling up and one blow of the wind and boom dirt everyone once again , now I'm stuck cleaning it up all over. What progress did I actually make. Healing is so complicated some of us can't heal in peace or have a village let alone a single soul we actually trust to guide us with this healing at least I don't. I have attempted so many times but I learned sadly healing is a journey one must take alone, I guess Im just wondering why ? ...... to be continued
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Replysometimes even with being in a relationship your healing ways don't match theirs and we don't all think the same some times I want to sit in solitude but then a person will say hey get over it and that's a trigger but maybe I can learn to talk about it more
ReplyI learned the hard way that you can't just forgive people and move on. Saying the words doesn't equate to meaning them. And at the end of the day 'forgiving' too soom hurt me more than if I had just let myself hold the grudge and allowed myself space to be angry and hurt. Since then, I have come to the conclusion that forgiveness isn't necessary for healing or growth. And that despite the fact I don't forgive them, I have still been able to move on. Only recently did I find out that that belief is backed by psychology. There are actually studies that show forcing victims to forgive their abusers does more harm than good. So if you feel the need to be mad a little longer. To be sad. To push the dirt from under the rug and hand the broom to the person who made that mess in the first place. Then do it.
People on this app disagree with me on this point profusely. So they will probably disagree with me now too. But theu don't know your story and they don't feel your pain. So they don't get a vote in the decision. At the end of the day, no.amount of saying you forgive them will make it true if you're still hurt by it anyway.
ReplyI would also like to add, 'forgiving' held me back from healing for so long. It wasn't until I allowed myself to hold a grudge that I started to feel more human again.
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