More than this

I want to be done with growing already, even though I’ve spoken to my therapist about this feeling never really going away and how it’s a good thing because it means I’ll have things to explore for the rest of my life. But I want to be settled. I want to be 50 and have completed my dreams, and to have someone who loves me. I don’t expect someone to complete me but I want a companion. I know I’m in that period of my life where I just need to work so damn hard and move around so much that I can’t have love because I’d just be away or working all the time. But I want it every day and every night, I just want to go home to someone who loves me. And I fear it may never happen. It’s just been disappointment all the way around when I try for that. I need to work right now so I can have that cushion of having pushed for my dreams and hopefully succeeded in some if not all of them. But oh my god. I just want a house and someone who loves me back. I keep crying because I want someone who is there for me and will see me through all this.