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Sometimes, when I'm chatting, I see all these people e-dating and insulting each other... and it makes me wonder like, am I out of touch? Am I the only one who looks at that and thinks it's a big turd? Maybe I was always a loner... maybe I am not meant for that life. I am not a bad person, I swear. Maybe I wonder where's the love when people are fighting all the time on these chat rooms and in real life, but the moment I get the love I would not think it's that important anymore... like wanting something as a kid. My brother got multiple girlfriends his whole life... and he just got another one. I never had a girlfriend, and never ever (99.9% guaranteed) will have one. Also, just an off topic thing, but does anyone wonder how chess has more moves than atoms in the universe? That right there, is a lie with legs... like, I am losing my mind at the idea that anyone believes that bs. There is no possible way a piece of cardboard with squares and figures has more moves than atoms in the universe... I can guarantee you that. That is in and of itself impossible because... well, it doesn't make any goddamn sense. I've been thinking about the concept or fact that this life is do or die. Many people what they need is a slap in time, to wake up... and there's a song that did that to me to some extent. If this is do or die, I'd rather wait for my death. Some people are not built for life. It is sad but it's true. Out of my ball sack or out of all men ball sacks, life has so much potential to bring amazing life into this world... I wanna think that if every person finds the perfect partner in life, combined with the perfect spermatozoon and ovum, it would create a near perfect human/humans. But of course, there's no way of knowing when doing the thing. I sometimes think, if I had to have sex with a woman to bring a child into this world, should I at least try to move differently while having sex or at least try to act weirdly to have a different outcome out of the lottery that is having kids? Science tells me there are millions of spermatozoa inside the semen or sperm... however, science spreads many misinformation. Today I got tired of repeating a specific route or thing I was doing, which comes to show that too much of something is not good. When will I be truly happy for days? Will I ever not feel sad? Will humanity's downfall arrive? Is this truly do or die? Sometimes I just wanna focus on one thing, which is my apparent only source of vision I have, my surroundings... but then I think that, me, as a part of it, already implanted the notion of everything in my head... and so, I never can just simply disconnect or live fully ignorantly to the rest of the existence. I try to envision or take the beginning point, which according to my perspective, it would be me, and try to go to as far as possible or as far as I can... and it always goes in a straight line for some reason, but it's relative. I could imagine my mind going across galaxies or far beyond where we haven't even began to discover yet, and I can never stop unless I was getting tired of pushing my mind forward to infinity and beyond. I give up quick, turns out infinity and beyond is or are concepts that don't befriend even mathematics. It's all around my head, and I know there's gravities in between, there's empty space in between, there's forces of immense destruction, there's probably other life too, and that I will never truly get to know or understand the experience.
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