Thinking about my ex bsf that i liked, just remembering all she did

Was it casual when you agreed to live with me in a big house on a hill with a view of the sea with cats, dogs, a garden, and where it's always cold? Was it casual when you said if I didn't introduce you to your boyfriend you would've dated me? Was it casual when you said constantly I was better than your boyfriend? Was it casual when you defended me over your boyfriend even when I was in the wrong? Was it casual when you said you'd cheat on your boyfriend with me? Was it casual when you wrote me love messages almost every week and always included how much you would've loved to date me? Was it casual when you said you'd run away with me and forget about our lives? Was it casual when I confessed to you multiple times and you brushed it off but would always tell me you wish you could like me back but you have a boyfriend? Was it casual when you said you wouldn't mind being my first everything? You lead me on and when I need you most that one night you'didnt know how to help and went to bed' and next morning you explained how we couldn't be friends anymore. I hate you more than everything. I loved you whole heartedly.