Life is so "sometimes" sometimes

I've been on this website for almost 3 years. I remember the day I searched on Google for a place to vent. For sure, I learned a lot about myself; my mental breakdowns, depressive episodes, feelings of stuck, etc. And ah... what I gathered from this journey and my pursuit of happiness is that life just changes all the time and whatever you say will almost instantly get adjusted by your mind, even if you don't expect it. That's why, my philosophy of life was always: do whatever I want, whenever I want. And I know my limitations and the rules or standards I should follow... but to me the most wonderful feeling is freedom. "You are under no obligation to be the same person you were 5 minutes ago." -Alan Watts. However, here's my biggest complaint... probably; waking up to reality and feeling every waking second of my life this cloud of sameness that seems or gives the illusion of never changing. Maybe existence is not really odd, but living is... because if you think about it, existence is mostly dead stuff; I mean, it's probably more alive than one might think, but living is really strange because we are constantly making decisions and so aware of just the notion of everything. It's extremely uncanny that we are alive... So yeah, I'm operating on a one-track mind right now... so I probably couldn't express all I wished to express with detail about my wonderful journey on Novni, but I don't really feel like try-harding these; I just feel like making a nonstop word rant about my feelings, in the hopes that maybe at least someone might relate. Remember the title, and what I was trying to say with that is that I was describing life as being so "sometimes..." probably not the best usage of English, but well... I meant something like life being so "intermittent," "sporadic," or "changing."