My world

I've been struggling with a lot lately. One person at work has been particularly difficult, making me feel very uncomfortable. They remind me of someone from my past who had a similar unsettling presence.

May god help me overcome my problems that i'm facing such a bad heart break since 4 years ever since she left me i been out of my mind and not even thinking straight. I need to support my family need to make more money and need to fix my habits as soon as possible.

I wish i can be more of my old self being worry free all the time can't for once i can turn back time to the good old days can fix my mistakes ? is it possible or what ? maybe somebody already altered the timeline and we are all facing its backlash maybe we are going through it right now changing the history and beyond.

Could change the fact that i am bored in my office have i really been working? can i change my fate for areej? See I'm broken i was here to bad mouth that ayshe in the office one not my F up past one .................... see I write as my mid speaks is this overthinking ??

I think i will continue to write this journal i have made this a journal lol! maybe i will maybe i won't i want to write my experiences to remember them and one day look back to it as of now I'm 26 or will be 26 27 idk i stop counting my birthdays don't mean as much it used to be now it's just a day in my life i wish i could celebrate it more and more like i used to when i was little those days i couldn't even sleep i was excited and wonder what will be my present for my birthday it was special for me as growing up we didn't had much money i used to see other people enjoy there things but i never bad mouthed my way of living i enjoyed it as much as i could but still i got everything i wanted due to my family now money don't make me happy i don't want to buy anything for me if i could do something with it is to help my family as much as i could need to work my ass of for this i wish i could be different completed my uni learn more to life as there is i am not religious i was i prayed every day did whatever i could just to make someone mine i didn't work i started to doubt it, it says that God loves you more then 70 moms as for it my mom loves me more she could have fought for me in my matter of my EX she does she did! i don't want to make problems for my mom im tired maybe i don't write this journal maybe i will post it as it is somewhere just to put these thoughts out in my f up English just so maybe it will provide me some relief from my pain i wish it will stop soon but its only increasing as the days goes on...