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Okay, it's impossible to know who God is, as he has a nature that can't be fully grasped. I have heard it said time and time again that God is good, patient, faithful, and loving. Yet, I can't help but doubt that. The source of my doubts is that one time, when I was feeling really down about the world in general, I said something along the lines of "This world is not worthwhile"; my mom got rather indignant at that, saying "God could make life harder for you." A god that kicks me when I'm down is not a god I want to believe in. I'll say that much.
I'm so alienated from God right now. They say God has a plan, but am I of any significance to God if he doesn't need me? Let's be frank: God is all-powerful, he does not need any of us; it would be arrogance on our part to believe otherwise. There's so much evil in the world and so many things that can and often do go wrong, I have to wonder if God really cares at all? Evil I can wrap my mind around, as I hear about it every day. I cannot wrap my mind around an allegedly good, loving God that happens to be all-powerful. He allows so many senseless things to happen, I wonder how good God really is? There's also the problem of free will. What human doesn't like having free will, really? God, who is supposed to be good, created man in his image while imparting free will. Sometimes, I feel like I must ask God: "Was giving us free will worth it? Look at how many people act contrary to your nature."
Does God give us good things? Why? Does he ever want them back? I think of the good things I do have in my life and wonder if God ever wants them back? Doesn't God want to take them from me because I'm too sinful? Because I made the wrong decisions? Or because I didn't make the right decisions in time? I feel like I cannot enjoy anything good in my life... Am I ungrateful? Sometimes I am, I'll admit it. But sometimes I'm afraid to thank God for anything good in my life, and I don't understand why... The world is random and everything is in flux; it's only natural to expect the good things I have today to be gone tomorrow. Of course, I would say this as an incurable pessimist.
If I could pack everything I have written above into one sentence, it would be this: I have a bad relationship with God. That's the truth, I do not know what to make of him sometimes.
I will tell you that I choose rationality over blind faith, but now I wonder if I should learn to choose rationality over pessimism. Some of what I've written is not rational at all...
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Get a Bible and read it. It is a good idea to do a bible study with someone who knows the Bible. Anyway, as you read it you will come to know God and to build a relationship with Him. You will have an understanding of Him.
ReplyGod uses people.
That's not necessarily a bad thing.
When you have a leadership role, part of your job is finding the right person to do the right job.
That's what God does, only God has a whole heck of a lot more Time than we do to get the job done.
At least we communicate what job we want done. God's just like.... "Hmmm.... you might get the job done, so let's stick you here to see if you will do it without you ever consciously knowing why you are there. And if you don't get it done the way I want it, no worries. I've got so and so who will be born in just a bit. I'll let them try."
Like when God sticks two people together to see what happens. God makes the introduction, but it's up to us what we do with it.
I don't ask God for anything selfish anymore. I'll ask God to take care of someone else, but not for me. God has misinterpreted me before, so I figured it would be best if I just say hello, see how God was doing and wrap it up.
ReplyPlus, God already knows what I need and what I want. I don't have to ask for anything. It will either happen or not. So, why worry about it?
ReplyWhy am I always being moderated? Sheesh
Reply