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New Entries To 10th Grade Journal After Novni is Back Up
1 month ago · 0 · Journal entries that are..., +4 · Explicit
68
10th Grade Journal - Entry 1
Today my teacher made us sign up for intramurals, but I didn't really want to. I signed up anyway because no other girls were playing football and I wanted to help my homeroom. But I am NOT athletic. My teacher said he would only have me in for 1 quarter, but STILL. Whenever I play I always get yelled at by classmates because I'm bad. They scream at me and ask me why I even joined - WHEN THEY BEGGED ME TO JOIN. In math class, I just talked to Emma, and we didn't lose our friendship despite not seeing each other over the summer, so YAY!
Also, Druva is backkkkkk! I haven't seen her since the end of 8th grade! I'm so excited that she remembered me! She moved back from North Dakota, but she said she hated it there. I introduced her to my girlfriend, and she kept making a bunch of cringy jokes about us, which was funny. She still has a thing for Khang, though. I've shipped them since forever. Daniel is still following me around, spewing brain rot like he's some 13-year-old. We're still best friends, though. The ONE person I thought I would grow apart with was him, and we're still going strong. Except for the fact that there's a rumor going around he has a crush on me. In 9th grade, we made a pact that we wouldn't develop crushes on each other, and if we did we would be transparent about it. I don't doubt that he does. He's been spending a lot of time around me. Even though he knows I'm dating Zoe. I don't want to disappoint him, but (and no offense) heck no. That would be the most awkward relationship ever. Glad I'm with Zoe.
Even though dating a girl comes with its challenges. Every twenty seconds someone comes up to us like, "Erm, girls can't date girls." "Erm, are you guys REALLY dating, or are you best friends?" "Erm, weren't you dating Daniel?" And today some kid I was friends with last year called me a slur. I thought we were still friends so I held the door for him and he said, "Faggot." I was like, "Dude, shut up, you can't say that." He was like, "Shut the f- up. It's a free country, you faggot. And you're gay." I just didn't respond and almost slapped the goo out of him. What was I going to do? He's a 145-pound football player and I'm a 110-pound birdwatcher.
But yeah, Matthew told me that when he came out to his parents they said he had to "go back to being straight" because being bisexual isn't "what God
intended". Or else they were kicking him out at 18. Matthew said he decided not to openly like boys for the time being. Which I guess was smart, because he's the only openly LGBTQ boy in our grade. He used to be bullied a lot before he decided to go back into the closet.
But anyway, that makes 5 people who had a crush on me on the last day of last year. Zoe, Thom, Daniel, Jose, and Juliana. I honestly don't feel attractive. I hate my nose, my eyebrows, my cheeks, and just the way I look in general. Everyone keeps telling me I should be proud of my face and body, but I'm not feeling it. I'm flat and have moles everywhere. I have a round face and belly but am bony everywhere else. If anything that's attractive it's my personality. I hand-craft my personality based on who I'm around. It's crazy. Zoe is always with me, and she says it's like I'm a different person around some people. But she loves the real me. And this isn't a bad thing, I'm not doing it to manipulate anyone, I'm just trying to y'know, "adapt to my situation". If I'm around someone who likes dark humor and knows my energetic personality, I'll be a little more loose. I'm not going to list every single one because that'll take all day, but that's the gist.
Liz also learned egg language. So now we can talk in private without anyone understanding what we're saying. That always used to be a problem, because we would be talking about something I didn't want anyone to know, and Liz has a loud voice. A loooooooooooot of secrets were found out that way. In egg language, we have a "Thom Stare Count". It started on Monday and that is how many times I've caught Thom staring at me. We all know he is still kinda mad at me, and he never liked Zoe in the first place. I want to be friends again, but how do you strike up a conversation with someone like that??? We both know that he was going to ask me out, so it just makes it awkward af. At least he can have Mya now. BECAUSE IT TOOK HIM TWO MONTHS. He was fr like, "Hmmmm, how can I leave them both in suspense for the longest time..." And then when someone beat him to me he got mad. I saw Mya talking to him today, and I want them to be together so badddd. Because then he'll be happy and will move on. One person EVERYBODY wants to move on is Frankie. (Thom's best friend) When Thom and I had crushes on each other Frankie would say, "Hi, Thom's girlfriend!" Even though we weren't dating. It was honestly kind of funny, but he knows EVERYTHING now. From BOTH sides of the story. Now he just smirks at me. Frankie changed over the summer, though. I don't know how to explain it. He's still the same ol' Frankie to me, though! Annoying but there for you.
As for my birdwatching, I'm kind of disconnecting from it. Yeah, I can still name all the birds in the area and impress people, but I don't get out or read about them as much. I still love them but have been losing time for them. I didn't even get a bird-themed backpack this year! Also, mold started collecting in my rollie-pollie and worm terrarium. Sadly, it looks like I'm gonna have to throw it in the backyard. My art skills are also fading. I used to be so good at drawing birds but now they all look deformed and ugly and off. Not hyper-realist anymore. I've tried drawing people and they suckkkkkkkkk! I'm not even kidding, they look like an 8-year-old drew them. I'm not even joking.
But that was an extra-long entry from a tired tenth-grade girl. Peace! I'm out!
7th Grade Journal - Entry 2
This morning Abbie made Elias and I carry the huge purple soccer ball to Mrs. Dodd’s class. That sounds weird, but it’s the ball that we play keep away with at advisory. Boys vs girls.
But anyway, Thom knows about the Stare Count. Camille (A girl I don’t really know) asked Zoe how the relationship was going. Zoe responded, “Good but Thom keeps staring at Madigan all the time.” Camille laughed at this and yelled jokingly at Thom, “Why do you keep staring at Madigan???” Thom yelled back (non-jokingly), “Shut up, she’s just in my line of sight all the fricking time.” And that’s true, we’re on the same team, a friend group, and have a class together. But whatever. We weren’t trying to tease him, but now I think he hates me. He swore he didn’t like me anymore. Which is GOOD. I’m so glad because a lot of my friends like me, and I don’t want to disappoint any of them, but I just DON’T find them attractive. He hasn’t talked to me much since the start of school. A couple of one-word interactions here and there, and a couple of laughs across the room, but nothing big. And that makes me bummed out because I really like him as a person. Like I said in Entry 1, HOW DO YOU TALK TO A PERSON LIKE THAT???
But yeah, that’s how that’s going. Today with the big purple ball I and a bunch of other girls (here’s how many I know: Abbie, Addie, Peyton, Zoe, Liz, Delaney, and Palesa. There were more, I just have a stupid brain.) hit it around. But later on, Daniel joined in with Thom and Frankie trailing behind him. He stopped to play, while they wandered around the field talking to people after sticking around watching. I noticed Thom smirking at me when I yelled for the ball and missed (everyone knows I suck at sports, but we were just playing for fun so I would yell, “PASS IT TO MEEEEEEEEEEE!”) Whenever I would miss, Daniel would come over, play tackling me, screaming, “MADIGAN YOU’RE SELLING HARDER THAN JEFF BEZOS RNNNN!” And I would smack him and tell him to get off of me while laughing. I’m honestly not sure what he thought about Zoe because they’ve never actually talked. They never had a reason to because they’re on different teams and in different social groups. They were both yelling the, “YOU’RE SELLINGGG!” Thing at me and playfully hitting me while we all laughed together though, so that’s a start. I really want to see them become friends because they would make an awesome duo. My guy best friend and girlfriend? Two of my favorite people? Automatically the best duo. Funny side note: When we were playing (Daniel was the only boy playing with us) he said, “Yeah, I’m getting ALL the girls.” And I said, “Daniel, this circle is fruitier than an Edible Arrangements, you really think we like you?” And it was true. Most girls in that circle were Ace, AroAce, Bi (preference for women), lesbian, or had a boyfriend. I’m omni with a girlfriend so I was off the table, too.
And I used to be friends with Peyton in the middle of last year and we kind of disconnected after she stopped sitting at my lunch table. But now we’re more friends than we ever were. She’s cool and in a more popular group, so that’s a win. She’s really funny and super nice. She’s also very athletic, bro is BUFF. I love her personality. Another person I’m reconnecting with (after 8 years!) is CJ. We were friends in kindergarten along with Elias. I met him again through Elias this year when we were watching the intramural practice for our homerooms. None of us like sports. Addie was playing because she wanted to step up her sports game. But nobody wanted to pass her the ball. Only one person tried to, and it got slapped out of her hand by another one of her teammates! She’s honestly one of the sweetest people I know. She just wants to try, and she isn’t gonna get any better if the people on her team aren’t passing her the ball when she’s the only person open. That used to happen to me, too, and it was enough to make me quit intramurals. But I’m glad she’s still going.
I also drew some birds on a wire wrapped around my wrist with a pen. It was a stinky dollar-store pen though, so it faded after one wash. I can still see it pretty well. Another art project I finished is my omnisexual sneakers, but the sharpie part on them is smudging, too. I used a dark purple Sharpie because I couldn’t find the exact color for the Omni flag in my paint marker kit. Charlie REALLY liked them this morning, though. She made me feel really good because she loved them so much. Zoe glanced down at them, up at me, and said, “GAY.”
But, yeah, that’s an entry from a sore-butted 10th grader. Peace!
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