Need a pointer

I've always known I can't call myself a good person. I'm a hypocritical person who is always biased in my judgment. I'm an indecisive person who is wishy-washy about something. I don't have great decision-making skills, and I've always been afraid of other people's criticism. When others blame or disapprove of my decision, I've often relented because I was afraid of them. I'm a coward who likes to run away from my problem. I laughed easily, overshared oftenly, and I feel like a cheap person who can be bought with a little bit kindness.

I don't like it. I don't like this version of myself, who feel so small and can be trampled upon. I hate my cowardice. I hate when people ignore me because it seems I don't have any temper. I just feel like a crap. But I'm still very much afraid. I don't like the circle I'm currently in but I'm stuck with them and can't let go. I want to go back to I used to. Even though the me before didn't have the chance to expressed themself, always unattached of everyone, but I feel calm. I don't have to think too much about other people or face any judgement. I can be the one I want to be.

But if I do that, I can't grow better. I just confused, hating this version of myself but don't know what to do to change that. Everyone around me just seem to give up upon me and I don't know how to start to push myself forward. I need a pointer. But I haven't found it yet.