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I just had a huge argument with my boyfriend. He was asleep and one of his friends that I don't like, which is a girl I suspect that likes him, texts him and I just say he's asleep. And I chnaged the background of it from a bubble tea theme to just white. It had hearts an I got jealous. She said "oh..." and "ok!" when I explained how he's been sleeping for awhile. Few minutes later my boyfriend woke up and he starts texting her a bit more than me. My day has already gone bad because some guy who really resembles my ex tried talking to me and I had flashbacks to what he did to me. So I was telling him I want his full attention but I have it? But h keeps texting his friend. And I'm begging him to stop and he decides to be petty and bring up when I would text one of my first ever guy friends when he would ask for my attention. But that was all last year. He bringing up old stuff that I've apologized for and made up. And we keep going back and forth, he's still texting her and he's being so mean to me. I'm having another breakdown and just begging him an he says, "it doesn't feel good now does it" and I just let loose. I started bawling more and decided to ask his cousin for help and to talk to him. Shehelps me, talking to him and she agrees that he's being petty and we're both in the wrong. I was regretting ever being friends with that guy friend I had and started overthinking so much and i felt so guilty for making my boyfriend feel this way. I relapsed. I cut my hip probably about 10-11 times. I didn't want to be a burden but I told his cousin to tell my boyfriend I'm sorry I broke our promise. Our promise was for me to stay clean. I was clean for a year and 5 months. Almost as long as we've been dating but I couldn't help it. I thought he hatedme and was deciding to leave me for his friend that I don't like and I just felt like the worldsworse girlfriend. An hour later hesent me a message saying he's sorry for bringing up the past but I wasignoring his feelings about not liking my guy friend. And that I was a hypocrite. But I saw no reason for him to be worried because no one has ever truly liked me. (And him calling me that made me feel like my dad.( I am my father's daughter.))It was just lust. So I wasn't even thinking that my friend likedme. I'm no where near perfection like my boyfriend. I textedhim all that and explained that he was friends with my friends so we just kinda had to talk. As someone who's afraid of being alone and their friends leaving them again of course I was scared. Vut he probably sawit as excuses. I apologized to him to for my past actions and beggedhim not to leave me. Honestly, without him I don't think I'd behere. He helped me when no one really else would. I just wanted to rant about today
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This sounds like you and your bf have too much time on your hands. Why don't the two of you do something sensible and constructive. It is a pity that you are too young or childish to go see a relationship counselor to try to get yourselves sorted out.
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