Why can't I get over you?

Is it bad I still miss him? I only said that rude stuff because I couldn’t bear seeing him with another girl. I just miss him so much. I miss waking up to him. I miss his family so much. But he didn’t care about me, did he? When I went on a trip to Virginia, and I knew something was up. There was a lot going on I could tell. But he didn’t want to say anything and every time I asked, he would get annoyed. Me being a worried girlfriend, I looked through his followers. He usually reassured me about the girls and said they were just friends when they were. But this girl was different. I'm pretty sure they were talking when I was on my graduation trip. I wish things ended differently. He went on a date with that girl after two days of us breaking up. He takes her out to dinner and other places and pays for her but yet when he and I would go out to eat I would always have to pay. I wasted a lot of money on him. But wait, this is the best part. He would comment about my body and tell me I needed to lose weight. That I needed to wear current clothes and dye my hair. I don’t miss the negative comments, but I miss the good times we had together and that is what broke my heart because I wasn’t good enough. That he basically compared his uncle's death by getting over him was how fast he got over me. I just wish he changed for the better. But I knew the breakup was going to happen, so I did it first because I didn’t want to get hurt again. I still think about him, and I am looking for guys that have the same goofy awkward personality. I miss him and his family so much. I said things I shouldn’t have just because I couldn’t see him with the girl he went to right after me after a couple of days. But the funny thing is she looks just like me and I can’t get out of my head what did she have that I didn’t. It is an ongoing thought I have in my head. I have no one to talk about this with because everyone hates him for how he treated me. I just want to go back in time. But I have to learn from this lesson in life and say my goodbyes. It is so hard though I can’t get over him. I obviously live rent free in his head because he posted about how I am a whore which is not true. But I wish I just wish for once in my life someone comes back and tries to make everything right. I can’t even talk to people because it is like the whole process over and over again. And I don’t know how much longer I can deal with these talking stages or whatever you want to call them lol. When he and I were broken up for like two weeks he didn’t even tell his dad. I ended up seeing his dad and I told him what was up. It wasn’t my place or my business to tell him. But he looked so happy to see me, and I didn’t want him to think me and his son were still a thing. His grandma was so nice to me and treated me so nicely. She was even on my side of the breakup, and she wished me luck in the future and hopes that he realizes he lost a good girl.